Tactile sensitivity

Some call it ‘tactile defensiveness’ – a fancy name for people who simply don’t want to be touched or hugged, and usually have very good reasons for it, e.g. being physically hypersensitive and finding it painful, overwhelming, repulsive or distracting, or too personal and invasive.

“It physically HURTS me when someone taps me on the shoulder, brushes against my arm, etc.  When I tell people not to touch me, and they do it anyway, I feel like it’s a deliberate assault, because not only is it a violation of my senses, but it is a violation of my wishes.

“I don’t like to be touched during conversations. It’s not only an invasion of my bubble, but it feels like they are, for that brief moment, claiming ownership of my body.  I do not like it at all. I know they are trying to get me to look them in the eye, or to get me to pay closer attention to them, but instead they are making me want to cringe away.”

– Tom, Aspie from USA

“I cannot understand why some people feel the need to touch me when they are talking to me either. I can hear perfectly well without their touch; if anything it is so distracting I cannot focus on what they are saying. I continually back away and the person touching me doesn’t seem to get the hint and then I usually have to tell them that I prefer not to be touched and then I get a kind of look or reaction that I am some kind of freak.”

“It really makes me feel happy and appreciated knowing that someone who is normally a touchy feely person restrains because they know I don’t like it – it’s like a sign of respect and I respect them back because of it.”

– Julie, Aspie from England

“Touching skin irks me. I don’t like the feel of it. It’s too emotionally overbearing as in you’re just feeling uncomfortable with it. Too mushy for me lol.

– Lorna, Aspie

“I rarely want to be touched. I don’t want my parents to hug me for example, except if I do it first. I don’t want to shake hands, but do it anyway. I like hugging if it’s on my terms, e.g. that I’m the one hugging and not being hugged.”

‘Catasa’, female Aspie from Sweden

Some may find touch acceptable or even enjoyable, but only at certain times, by certain people, when mentally prepared and in the mood. Unexpected touch is dreaded by many.

“I like touching my boyfriend, but I don’t like touching anyone else! I can feel where they touched me for hours afterward, like they left a mark on my skin.” *shudder*

– Kitty, Aspie

“I can usually touch other people without trouble but when they touch me, especially if by accident, I recoil as if I was burned.”

– William, Aspie from USA

It is common to find light touch worse than firm.

“I find it very unpleasant when somone wants to stroke my arms or my sholder, as if for solace and support. It hurts to my very bones.” 

Catasa’, female Aspie from Sweden

Some feel intensely uncomfortable just being too close to others. Size of personal space may vary greatly.

“I have a certain comfort zone which I don’t like people to infringe upon, but in addition to that, I tend to keep the rest of the world at a distance from me and really get agitated if it comes too close or intrudes.”

– Tom, Aspie from USA

“I detest when someone gets in my personal space, which happens to be 20 ft out.”

– Alan, adult with acquired SID from USA

“I don’t like anyone to stand nearer than three or four feet, even friends (except my someone special).  In crowds, people are always moving into my personal space.  I also get really annoyed when someone jostles me with their purse or packages (etc).  Also, I tend to move fast, and the crowd moves too slow.  I get really irritable.  The noise is also not fun.  I’m also pretty uncomfortable if someone sits near me and their body is touching mine.  It drives me nuts.”

Jae, female with SID from USA

“I find having people I do not know sit next to me difficult too (even if I know them it is hard), especially if I feel hemmed in and feel that I cannot escape. I really cannot stand people behind me either; I find queing especially difficult if the person behind me is invading my personal space, I feel trapped and want to desperately escape and if someone comes up behind me and touches me I do have a tendency to lose it somewhat.”

– Julie, Aspie from England

105 Comments »

  1. […] matter what I try my hardest to do, I can’t change the way being touched feels for me. I don’t freaking choose to be this […]

  2. Brittany said,

    I have always disliked being touched. I recently got a new boyfriend and I really like him but I can’t stand being touched even by him and that’s when I started thinking this has to be some type of illness I have! I’m so happy to know that I am not alone in this! It’s so hard to tell people that you don’t like being touched because they find it hard to understand and they just feel like your being rude! Is there any type of treatment for this and should I see a doctor?

    • Rosa said,

      That is very true Brittany, I too suffer from this and my peers see this as a thing to bully me about rather than understanding the issue. I feel comfortable with touch from people close to me (parents, siblings, girlfriend etc.) though but strangers or even friends are not ‘allowed’ into my “bubble”…..

  3. monica said,

    i am a touchy person. and am usually okay if someone touches me in conversation. im fine if a family member hugs me and etc. but once im in an… awkward or uncomfortable situation with someone and they touch me it feels like im getting frost bite where they touch. and it is in only certain places like my knee or leg or arm and so on. is this weird? should i talk to a doc. about this?

    • Ing said,

      I have no idea, dear. I have never heard of that sort of problem before but I’m not a medical professional. I guess if something is a big problem for you, you can ask your doctor (or an Occupational Therapist who often deal with tactile issues) but I can’t really give advice one way or the other. This blog is just for information, it is not an interactive medical guide. Sorry.

      Missed replying to Brittany, but I would have given the same answer.

    • Katie. said,

      Uh me to ! I feel the same exact way… I don’t think we need a doctor, maybe its just we are very sensitive in situations.

  4. Sarah said,

    “Some may find touch acceptable or even enjoyable, but only at certain times, by certain people, when mentally prepared and in the mood. Unexpected touch is dreaded by many”

    In reference to above the note how do people cope with this, with there other partner have you managed to found a common ground? Does it cause problems? Are your boyfriends quite touchy themselves or have you found it works better with guys that are less touchy?

    I only ask this as I am quite similar to the above statemet and I wonder how people cope.

    • Anon said,

      I’ve had trouble being touched by anyone in the past, and the only acception is my current boyfriend. It was less a matter of me coping with him and more a matter of him learning about my aversion to touch and asking me if it was okay to hold my hand, touch my shoulder, cup my cheek, etc.. on our dates. It helped being in control and being given control over when and how I was touched.

      My boyfriend is a notoriously touchy person, and there were a few instances where he would forget to ask when he touched me (after which he would always apologize) but as the relationship went on, I started to mind his touching less because I grew into a constant state of consent after all the previous times he had asked and I had said yes.

      Of course I still have times when I don’t like being touched by him, but they happen rarely and only when I’m stressed.

      I can’t say how to cope with sudden or unexpected touch by strangers, but explaining to your loved ones or significant other that you need them to ask before touching you helps. Let them know how truly uncomfortable it makes you and that it is a matter of consent. Ask them to respect you and your boundaries until you are comfortable.

      I hope that was at least a little helpful.

  5. ashley said,

    i dont like being touched by people mostly boy’s they have no right to invade my space and they should stay out of my space. going out to all the strangers and boys.

  6. Brenda Nieves said,

    I do not at all enjoy my personal space being invaded by people I do not know or have only a casual acquaintance with. For me, personal space is about arms length. I especially loath uninvited touch and at times, even touch that is considered a normal part of certain activities. I recently tried to take a dance class at my local community center. When the instructor partnered the students to one another and the lesson began, I was overwhelmed with the fact that my partner was so close to me. Adding to the stress was that his hands were on me and mine on him. Of course this is expected in such an activity but I just couldn’t do it. Several times a year I try to force myself to step outside of my comfort zone just to see if anything has changed but that was just too much!!

  7. Richelle Hall said,

    I don’t like when people tough me and its unnessicary. Like, it’s ok if someone is behind me, and taps me to get my attention, but if I am talking to someone and they touch me at at, I can’t help but cringe away. I especially hate it when someone I’m not very close to, or someone I don’t like touches me. It just irritates me all the time. I cannot stand it!

    • Lisa Daly said,

      Richelle, I would contact you offline, but don’t have your info. If you email me at Lisa@sensoryshield.com with your address, I’ll send you some free pins and cards.

  8. Maygan said,

    Like, it doesn’t hurt if anyone touches me. If it’s my boyfriend or my friend Sarah, it’s absolutely fine, but anyone else touches me, expected or not, I get really mad. I don’t want to hit them or anything, but I get really annoyed and I get snappy. I’ll be like, ‘Stop touching me!’

  9. emily said,

    I have always been annoyed by touch. My earliest memory was when I was about 6 yrs old and my mom was trying to put me to sleep by rubbing lightly on my skin. I remember I told her to stop cuz it hurt. I am now an adult and in a serious relationship and have to explain to him that I don’t like it. he does. I would rather it be rough. hard to live with. sad to say but my kids too. my daughter would love to do my hair but the thought of it makes me cringe. sucks

  10. evelin said,

    I think you are crazy mental people and you have problem!!

    • Celah said,

      You’re a judgmental twat waffle!

    • chloe said,

      That is utterly rude and disrespectful. Why are you on this forum? Do you have this “problem”? If you do not have anything nice to say then, not to be rude, but, be quiet. Not everyone is perfect, obviously like yourself, but just because others are different from you does not mean you are to disrespect them. I am most probably younger than you if I am honest and I am more mature. If you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything at all.

    • Isabella Tonti said,

      I don’t mind touching others in a friendly way as long as it’s on my own terms. For example, if my friend is crying or hurt, I will try to comfort them. Rubbing someone’s back to make them feel better feels very awkward I don’t mind. Usually it doesn’t work anyway because they get weirded out about how awkward I am as I comfort them. I don’t like it when people are right behind me or come up on me from behind. Despite being okay with touching others on my own terms, I get very overwhelmed when people touch me. I flinch away if someone attempts to touch me, high five me, shake my hand, or hug me. I react to little touches as if I were burned. If someone runs into me or does rough housing in a friendly manner I freeze in place and can’t figure out what to do, like some sort of sensory overload. I also get agitated when others don’t walk at the same pace as me or invade my personal space. Also, Evelin is a stupid crackhead who is unecissarily rude.

    • Julia said,

      Eat a dick

    • Marion said,

      Hi Evelin,
      Just wondering what makes you state this? In many cultures in Western Europe hugging, touching, or tapping people without their consent is considered socially inappropriate and nobody would even attempt to do so. Also, same action in Crimnal Code of Canada is labelled as a sexual harassment.
      I love hugging my family and friends and highly dislike being touched, tapped, or hugged by strangers. My experience from working with unwell people is that they are ones who do this the most. Why? Because they need other people’s energy. Why we don’t like their hugs….well, because we are robbed of our energies. I know that unwanted huggers love my light and energy which is cleansed and purified on daily basis; however, I don’t like theirs. It is our right, as any other human right, to protect ourselves from any harm so instead of calling us “mental” please reflect on yourself first. There is no ” tactile sensitivity,” etc., BS proclaimed by pseudoscience called psychiatry, there is only -unwelcome hugger disorder- attributed to people who hug others without their consent.
      Thank you.
      Marion

  11. Mackay (possibly aspie) from England said,

    I really don’t like it when people touch me and probably the worst incident was a big family holiday in Kenya for my grandad’s 80th birthday which was amazing but on an internal flight from Mombasa to Nairobi I was sitting next to matt on the plane. (My uncle’s partner’s son) he knows that I get weird about people touching me but he does it to annoy me anyway. (He is 19!) he was poking me and prodding my leg but then he suddenly hugged me really tight and in the confined space of a Boeing 777, there wasnt any space for me to move away. The thing is that I got really panicky even though I knew nothing had was going to happen. I kept saying get off go away and stuff like that but he didnt so I started punching in the face (not in a was that could seriously hurt him though) but he still didnt get off so I swung my leg into his shin a couple times and he said ouch but just hugged me tighter so I couldn’t move my body. I didn’t know what to do and I started to think I was gonna die or suffocate or something but then cos his arm was holding my arms pinned to my chest, across the front of my body I bent my head down and put my teeth on his arm as if I was about to bite him. He let go in shock and i wriggled over toward the window.

    Another event was in karate when we were practising how to get someone’s arms off if they were strangling you. I got called up to the front as I was the highest belt in the class that day so Sensei could demonstrate on me. After that we had to pair up and practise on each other. I went with my friend who knows I don’t like hugs and stuff but thought it stopped at that. I put my hands round her neck as if I was strangling her but made sure she put her collar up so I didn’t actually touch her but when it came to my turn I got unexpectedly panicky and backed away and I would have been crying if I hadn’t suppressed it (it was karate so it would have seemed really bad to cry) it scares me and I start to think I’m going to die even though there’s only a tiny possibility of that happening. Eventually sensei said I didn’t have to do though.

    I have never liked being touched, especially around my head, neck and shoulders. I never did that think at kid discos where everyone made a train unless I could be right at the back. Sometimes it causes problems like my mum overreacts (in my opinion) and if I squirm away when she touches me she starts to mutter about me being selfish and cold hearted and hating my own mother, which really gets to me but I know that once she’s in that mood trying to tell her anything other than her own opinion is the wrong thing to do and it makes me feel alone and unloved.

  12. Tiffany said,

    I also cannot stand people touching me,or being to close to me. When someone touches me, ( shoulder, back , arm , hand) while they are talking to me , I don’t listen to what they are saying all I can think about it getting away from their touch, it stays with me for hours afterward a lingering feeling and not a good one. If someone try’s to whisper something to me I will recoil and wipe my hand over my ear lots of times vigorously anything to get that feeling off me. I don’t mind hugs from my kids, but everyone else’s hugs are to much for me .

    • Naseera said,

      My teenage daughter has never liked touch and even when she hugs us, her body tenses up. She gets really upset when even family members touch her. I am concerned about her future in terms of marriage and children. How does one manage this condition so that it does not negatively impact your relationships?

      • Victoria said,

        I hate being touched by anyone, even family. I mostly tolerate touches from family members and close friends; but if I hardly know the person, like the try to go in for a hug or high five, I back away quickly. Usually I’ll have a stunned look on my face and ask them what they are doing.
        I am married and have a daughter. I find that they are my two exceptions when it comes to touch. I will admit that it took a couple of months of tolerating breastfeeding before I was ok with it.

  13. Summer said,

    I really don’t like being touched either, it’s very invasive.I don’t like it when people hover behind me, it makes me want to run out of the room. My personal space is really big too. I especially don’t like giving hugs to family because the relationship you and your family have is already more than enough
    Giving hugs just makes it so much worse( in a boundary kind of way)

    • Mikki said,

      That’s exactly how I feel. Relationships that you have with certain people can make it that much worse.

  14. Nate said,

    I don’t mind hugging if I’m the one hugging people and they’re usually just close friends and family. In the hallways I speed walk to each class to get away from being touched. I’ve told guys before to please not touch me and they think it’s like a game because I cringe or try to move away so it’s funny to them. I try to keep my distance but some people are just touchy. I have made some small slip ups everynow and again when guys are talking to me and go to move something close to me away and I’ll move sharply and then they make me explian it but it seems that they don’t get it. I am trying to open up to people now but it’s hard. I’m very small and I don’t like hugging tall guys because I feel suffocated. It’s hard for me because all my friends are dating and I can barley shake a guys hand whether he is a friends father, a dentist, a doctor, or just a guy. It’s genuinely something I have to force my self to do.

  15. I am this way. I do not like to be touched. I never really knew I had this problem as I would just cringe my way through situations that involved touching. Now that I know I have this I feel better about myself but it does not help that I married a man whose love language is physical touch. It’s taken therapy and many years to come to this realization. My husband kept thinking I did not love him. I love him very much but cannot stand to hug or have him touch me. I feel bad but I cannot change this. I have to do deep breathing techniques to get though being touched.

  16. debbie said,

    I was badly injured and healed enough that I do not take pain meds but IG someone touches me it will trigger pain. Then it takes time to get the pain under control again. People think I am rejecting them so I end up furious because they think o am lying about the pain. Then I am mad and in pain. Why?

  17. Alice said,

    I don’t get it. I liked to be touched by other people sexually, but I can’t touch them sexually. Is there a name for that?

  18. Stephanie said,

    I don’t know why but I hate it when people touch my legs. I have no idea why. It just really bothers me. If it’s my own touch, obviously it’s not going to bother me and if it’s leg-to-leg, it doesn’t bother me either. But hand-to-leg? I brush it off so fast because I hate itmy friends and family think it’s a joke but it really REALLY bothers me.

    • Hana said,

      i have the exact same problem. i have done so much research by now and all i have found are people who dont like being touched in general. you are the only person who said you dont like your legs being touched. and i hate it too! especially when they touch my calf muscles. and this problem is starting to be really anoying because people dont take me seriously when i tell them not to touch my legs!
      i would love if someone could explain to me why do i have this problem

  19. Mini said,

    I too do not like being touched. I remember I didn’t mind it when I was younger, but as I got older, I just couldn’t stand it. What worsens it is that when I say I don’t like my hair/anywhere else being touched, sometimes people purposely pull me into overbearing hugs and touch my hair, which in all honesty makes me want to explode in rage. If someone doesn’t like to be touched, you shouldn’t do things like that to them. Just let them be.

  20. L said,

    Ok so I generally don’t like to be touched, but I also don’t like a lot of things and can get worried over small things. I figured I get worried over things that might hurt me. My family thinks I am just over reacting and a drama queen so don’t take me very seriously. I don’t like shaking hands, hugs or any other physical contact but I am very good at avoiding those situations and/or freaking out silently when they happen. I have recently turned 18 and as a gift my mum and sisters booked by a full body Swedish massage. To say I am freaking out is an understatement. I LOVE my personal bubble and the thought of a complete stranger touching me for a full hour, practically nude is giving me sleepless nights. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be rude and say thanks but no thanks- they would not believe my reasoning, they would say that I am over-reacting. But then again I am having nightmares about having this massage. HELP. I know this is probably not the place to ask for advice but I just don’t know where else I could find other people who wouldn’t judge me and call me a worry wart.
    Thanks

    • bhri said,

      Omg I literally nearly got sick the thoughts of that is… HORRIBLE!!! Just give it to someone else and go away for that day so your parents won’t know!!

  21. bhri said,

    I honestly hate when people touch my shoulders and my knees. It actually makes me feel kind of sick. As for the back of my neck, that’s the worst it makes me feel like I’ve been abuse, I get this really bad tingling now my shoulders, and I can’t stand it cause I don’t like the feeling of someone or anything for that matter touching my shoulders and as for my spine and I hate that tingling feeling, like you know when you get pins and needles in your foot well I get something 10 times worse and I hate it I acactually sometimes think I’m going to be sick

  22. Jade said,

    I’m glad I’m not alone, I thought I was so weird! I can deal with people touching me in some places, but my neck, shoulders, head, and stomach areas are off limits. If someone unexpectedly grabs my shoulders (it’s happened twice) I go into a full blown panic attack. I also get incredibly uncomfortable when people are too close behind me. Whispering makes me want to cry. The only way I’ve found to describe it is overwhelmed. It’s almost painful, but not quite. I wasn’t always like this though, so that’s why I found it weird. I used to love getting massages from my mom but within the last three years whenever she touches my upper back region I tense up so bad. If she goes near my neck and shoulders, and stays there a while, I dissolve into tears. My brother used to love to poke me until I begged him to stop because a gentle poke felt like he was stabbing me with a blunt object.

  23. Katie said,

    Really happy to have found this. I’ve struggled with this for some years. I can never tell when I’m ready to be touched. I typically hate being touched. Contact sometimes hurts and puerile look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t lie being too close to anyone. I feel bad for my husband because a lot I don’t want to be touched and it hurts his feelings. He can’t be spontaneous. But I can touch him. Hug him. On my terms. Which is frustrating for him. I find him attractive and enjoy looking at him but can’t have him touch me whenever. This is me with most people. I become extremely stressed out and sometimes on the verge of tears when someone touched me. I try to be very still and calm so I don’t offend but I usually can’t help it. And then some friends do it to be funny because they think it’s a game. But I’m glad to have found that others understand what it’s like. I can’t explain it to anyone. I’ve never been abused as a child or anything. I just know it started when I was 12.

  24. Kattastrophe said,

    I used to be quite a huggy person and I never minded human contact, but there have been times, 2 in particular, one which lasted months and months and destroyed a strong relationship with someone whom I adored with all my heart, and now which has lasted a week or so thus far, hence why I have looked up the forums.
    Touch is like electric, or strong, sharp and painful vibrations that make me feel so uncomfortable and skittish that I have to tell my own partner to stop touching me and to be honest; I feel awful for it.
    I’m afraid it’ll drive a wedge between us and I’ll run for the hills like I did last time, purely because I can’t face my partner having to be in a relationship with someone as cold as I can be.

    I just wish I knew what the problem was, as it’s always tied in with my mood swings, sometimes I am genuinely fine with it, cuddle me, kiss me, play with my hair, it’s fine. But as for these bubbles I get, I’m like a completely different person, and it’s hard explain. I need my solitude and personal space…

  25. Liz said,

    I have a very hard time with boyfriends because it’s nothing personal. I DO NOT like to be caressed or touched or anything like that. It does feel like an assault and an anger starts in me that I don’t like. Of course I don’t physically hurt him when he does it but I do imagine slapping him. I have to put myself somewhere else mentally when he’s doing it. It irks me to the core. But when I’ve told him this he just either says that’s stupid or not possible. I’ve gone through it with all of them but this current one doesn’t understand. The others all dealt with it which actually made me want to be mean THEM. Not them near me.

    • Liz said,

      I mean near them. Oops. Not “mean” them

  26. Julia said,

    I HATE being touched, after my mum would kiss me on the cheek I would start feeling sick and want to cringe and cry. I always have the need to have a shower or disinfect myself in a way. Also, I hate hugs, they make me sick and make me extremely uncomfortable. Even by the people I am comfortable with. I hate ‘snuggling’ at night and my friends love it. I simply do not understand why or how they can enjoy something so invading. I am not even close with my mum, but I am with my friends and they make me cringe. It’s nothing personal at all, it’s just my own self, I like to keep my own self at a distance from some people. Sometimes it happens that I allow a person to cuddle or touch me in general, but it’s very rare and special because I am letting myself into something I will probably regret later. Kinda why I dislike sleepovers. I also hate being tickled or hate tickling someone. I am not ticklish either, and neither do I find it cute or enjoyable in any way shape or form. Also feet. I think feet are gross as they are, and when people decide to put them near me or near my FACE I freak out. Or when I’m walking and some people feel the need to hug me or hold my hand or grab me under my arm etc. I MOVE FAR AWAY. Why is it so hard for people to understand, especially to ask me if it’s okay and if I say no, to not take it personally but to respect what I am saying. Thinking about it makes me shiver and cringe and feel sick and makes me want to cry. I honestly don’t understand why I am like this while everyone else cuddles hugs etc ALL THE TIME. Also why I am avoiding relationships at all cost. But I honestly feel like under some kind of a sick assault when people give me any body contact unless I do it first and show them that I am comfortable with them touching me too. It’s not hard and I don’t need medical help. I need people to RESPECT ME.

  27. Katherine said,

    i dont mind when people touch me unless i am angry…or by certain people like my mom. i cant stand it if she touches me. it hurts and makes me feel like i want to jump out of my skin.

  28. Natalie said,

    I am in a relationship with someone with tactile sensitivity and its hard for me. My needs for affection are not being met and I think about cheating a lot. I think that people who don’t like to be touched are fine as long as they are honest about it with their partner upfront. It’s an issue of compatibility. It’s best to find someone who feels the same way you do about touching so there won’t be a problem. If you doing like to touch, you shouldn’t be with someone who does. Affection shouldn’t be forced. Either you like it or you don’t.

  29. shayblues said,

    I always have the tendency to cry when someone invades my personal space especially my room. I don’t know if this was still normal. And also, I don’t liked being touched too. I always fought the urge not to do something harmful to them. Shall I see a psychiatrist? Or am I just too sensitive?

  30. Katie Evans said,

    omg i am so happy to find others like this 🙂 i also suffer from this but with i hate my shoulders and upper back being touched for example if i see someone about to touch me i will instantly jump back its horrible it sends shiver down my back

  31. Alex said,

    I feel very uncomfortable when I sit next to someone and tgeir legs or arms brush against me.. I used to even feel nauseated when someone would Hugh me in the passed I felt like it was taking forever and didn’t wuire know how to react.. She I sit next to someone and trey breathe it’s almost like anxiety that I get because I feel like my breathing wants to change to their Rythm .. I know weird! I never had physical good touch when I was young.. Just physical abuse.. Any type of physical contact makes me just over think about it, it sucks!

  32. Rain said,

    its weird that i can shake some peoples hands but others i cant like yesterday i was at a awards ceremony from my job and the vice president came over to shake my hand but i couldnt thats when he tried fist bump and i coulodnt do that either. thats when it turned bad. he basically accused me being a racist. but im not i just cant get over this touching of anything. i know he was butt hurt about it but he made me hurt to for calling me a racist in front of people and went around telling people dont go over there because of me and i could hear him say it too which made me break down more and tryed to hold it in the best that i could. i know that i could have avoided it if i forced my self to shake hands with him but i cant do it now. afterwards i tryed to tell him sorry and try to shake his hand but he was gone. now my manager was mad at me for my mistake of not shaking his hand and im still feeling emotional about it. though through all this i told my best friend thats like a sister about my past which could have led me up to why i cant shake hands and such. i just hate that there are people out there like that, and they dont understand at all.

  33. Josefine said,

    I HATE it, when people touch me. Unless i touch them first. A hand on my shoulder can really freak me out. It is not that it hurts, but it is just really uncomfortable. I get chills and it feels like i am going throw up. But i have nothing against cuddeling, kissing or holding hands

  34. hannah said,

    This makes me feel so much better. I’ve just been noticing how much I hate uninvited physical contact. I have social anxiety, and I’m constantly sweating and I’m constantly nervous someone’s judging my social skills, and I was in a small room with a bunch of people and my best friends mom tickled my back and my whole face went red and I wanted to shoot myself I felt so uncomfortable i literally felt like I was just sexually harassed. And I was laying down on my stomach on my bed and my best friend came and jokingly slapped my butt and it just jolted and said “I do NOT feel comfortable with that” like it just came out and I felt kind of weird.. And I don’t mind the thought of kissing a boyfriend or having sex but I have physical contact with someone I don’t like or even if I like them. If they touch me I feel really weird and don’t know how to respond but i can hug people and get in their space really easily I just feel SUPER uncomfortable if someone does it to me. Phew. This made me feel so much better.

  35. Skye said,

    I used to be fine with being touched but I have anxiety and it’s getting worse and when I get especially anxious I don’t want to be touched, which is a problem now cause I get anxious at family gatherings (at least at first) and that’s when everyone’s hugging and touching and stuff and the moment my grandma comes to hug me I tense up and cringe a bit.

  36. I dislike touching in any way shape or form, unless I touch them first. I get really uncomfortable when someone sits next to me also.

  37. Shannon said,

    I don’t like it when people touch me. Light touches feel like needles to my skin and firm ones feel bruising. My boyfriend seems to unconsciously touch my nare leg or arm and it annoys me so much, it feels like he’s taking what energy I have left. I work at a cafe so my sensitivity to touch is tenfold when I get home. He also puts his arm on the back on the couch behind my head.

  38. Wendy said,

    Thank you. I’m not Aspergis although the touch thing could be a symptom I have yet to investigate for the Aspie syndrome. I first noticed it after being subjected to Serial C contraceptive pill when I was 19yr old and couldn’t bare for my mother to touch me. It turned out that Serial C caused amongst other things depression and was banned 3yrs later. I am a sufferer of CFS / ME so photo sensitivity is part of the syndrome. In unsure about tactile defensiveness. I didn’t acquire CFS until age 43yr old and as I said before age 19yr, I was experiencing the touch aversion thing.

  39. Tessa said,

    I avoid all physical contact at all times whether it be from my friends or family. And when I say touch I mean any tiny gesture like a pat on the back or ANYTHING. Any little touch like a hand on the shoulder or touching legs while sitting side by side makes me so overwhelmed I can not stand it and I have no reason why. I just get extremely nervous and uncomfortable and I want to run away. It makes me upset with myself because sometimes I really need that physical attention, and everyone around me is so used to me avoiding it that they will not give me it. I feel like something is wrong with me! For example sometimes you just really need a hug and I just want so badly to hug my best friend, but her knowing that we never hug would be weird so I just keep to myself and deal with the pain of not getting that hug. I’ve ruined friendships over my inability to be touched by anyone because so many female friendships require that touch that I am incompatible in those situations. I don’t mind any touch from my boyfriend we are constantly holding hands hugging etc, but anyone else even my parents I can not handle. It at times almost makes me physically sick when my mom puts her arm around me or hugs me for too many seconds, and it’s not that I don’t want to hug my mom I love my mom of course I would hug her just something inside me screams. What the hell is wrong with me?

  40. Jackie said,

    I feel violated and extremely uncomfortable when people touch me… Even my family. I never considered it an issue or a problem of mine, but now I’m realizing that people say stuff like “oh right you don’t like being touched, sorry!” Which made me wonder if I’m unusual for being like this. I hate feeling this discomfort and sometimes I get jealous of being left out from hugs and affection… Or I’ll attempt to hug my friends but it is very displeasing in the end. Is there a way to help me? I am the totAl opposite when I’m intoxicated for some reason. Probably because it’s a depressant.

  41. Nicole said,

    I can hug someone first but sometimes I’m playing with my nephew and all of a sudden I don’t want to be touched at all…..like i get this repulsive feeling when someone touches me

  42. Jennifer morgan said,

    You all are freaks! Were you all tied up as children and fondled with against your will?
    Affection is a wonderful thing.

    • Kiki said,

      I actually was molested on more than one occasion as a child and I’m assuming that is the reason for my hatred of being touched. I can’t speak for the others here who hate it as well because though we are similar our reasons are different. I do however find it wrong to joke about sexual assault with such a blase attitude.

      As for the people who hate being touched; their feelings should not be invalidated because it’s not in the norm of what most people see as a good thing. Some people can hate touch for varying reasons be it sexual assault, autism spectrum disorders, or they simply find it to be a violation of their personal space. I and the others who have commented are not freaks for not wanting to be touched or having affection thrown out way. We feel differently when we are hugged, touched, etc. It makes us uncomfortable, violated, disgusted and many more things. And I understand that those are harsh adjectives for people who enjoy the affection they receive from a hug or casual pat on the back.

      Trust me, I would like to not feel disgusted every time someone decides to show me physical affection. I would like to feel happy from that. But I just do not. I did not choose to hate physical interaction it is just something I feel. People who like it and people who hate is are simply different. Differences should be respected and understood.

    • Jonna said,

      I was brutally raped by four men while I was working overseas. I had never met them before.

      I am not a freak. I am someone trying to move on from such a terrible event who happens to be very sensitive to touch, something exacerbated by what happened. My feelings shouldn’t be discounted because you cannot empathise.

    • wired said,

      I’ve been sexually assaulted too many times by people I trusted, so no, I’m not a ‘freak’ I’m just horrified by the thought of it continuing. I’m tired of not being treated like a human being, and now being touched by most, if not all people, makes me extremely uncomfortable and disgusted.

    • Julia said,

      The only freak here is you for being a dick, get off the internet troll

      • Wendy said,

        Like your response Julia. Shame some people have nothing better to do.

  43. Julie said,

    My legs are not only sensitive but ache all the time and if anyone touches them they hurt as well as an uncomfortable feeling, feels like they are bruised all over. I love being hugged but back away from the legs. I also get a weird feeling if someone touches my knee it is a horrible weird sensation.

  44. Jonna said,

    I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship as a result of this. I have no issue with touching others, and I am ok with a firm touch on my back (but I must be aware that it’s going to happen). Any touch (anywhere other than my back) makes me feel… Goodness I wish a word existed to describe it – it’s not pain, and certainly beyond discomfort. I feel so… violated? I cannot bear the feeling when someone touches my thigh, knee or leg especially. I’m never sure how to voice my concern when it bothers me. I once told a recent acquaintance and the way she stared at me made me feel so alone… I am ok with hugs and a night even find myself sometimes longing to be held firmly by someone. Sex frightens me. Sexual touch frightens me. I feel so alone. Just writing this has left me in tears. I hate it.

  45. Rachel said,

    I thought I was crazy. My husband says I’m just probably autistic or something. I love hugging him and caressing him, but I do not enjoy being touched by ANYONE. I used to hate when my mom or brother would hug me, and especially when people to whom I’m not related touch me. It makes me extremely self conscious and awkward. Glad I am not alone.

  46. Bluestar said,

    i believe i have aspergers syndrome although i was never diagnosed.. Its the only way to describe my situation and everything fit so perfectly. Am 23 and the only way for a normal person to describe me is “creepy” “crazy” “extremely awkward”. I have been bullied in school, abused by my dad emotionally and physically and molested many times. I force my self to hand shake although when they firmly grab my hand i feel like… I dunno how to describe this. If its a hug i have to prepapre myself mentally and even if i did i can only do this for veery few certain people.. Which are obly two. If someone hugged me, tap my shoulder or back out of nowhere without me knowing i feel extremely violated.. I feel like someone has just assaulted me and my hurt burns with anger. I try to avoid physical contact by all means through giving negative vibes and avoiding people. I never speak with anyone even if someone spoke to me. I try to look not friendly because if i did people would want to speak hence there is a chance they will touch me. I cant stand crowded places such as malls.. The though of someone will bump into me or touch me drives me paranoid. I usually wear long sleeve shirt because i cant handle when someone brushed against my hand on accident. I have no friends.. Many left and i pushed many because they just couldnt get i dont want to be touched. I have no girlfriend and i dont even want one.. My family see me as a literally crazy person. It feels so lonely and unbearable to a point i can obly see suicide as my last option left…

    • Julia said,

      You should really see a listened healthcare prosessional to get diagnosed. There’s so much help you can get that will make your life easier. You don’t have to deal with these challenges alone.

      • Julia said,

        *liscensed

  47. Ra-eesa said,

    I’m a very expressive person and speak my mind. I’m confident about my self in how i appear but hate to be touched. I feel that others think it’s weird because I seem so emotionally open. My public personality is different to my personal. The fact that I don’t like to be hugged makes me seem cold. When people want to hug me and I refuse I just say that I’m not a very affectionate person and things become a bit awkward. Some think I have no feelings when actually I tend to feel too much. I’ve come to appreciate my closest friends because they’ve accepted that I don’t like to be touched. I find relationships that are not physically demanding appealing because I feel safe and secure. I really can’t tell whether I have some problem because I tend to shudder randomly when certain things happen around me whether small or big like I can’t handle the feeling.

  48. Cassidy said,

    I honestly don’t like being touched by other people unless I think of them as a partner. The whole “touching” thing is just too intimate for me to just imagine for anyone. I don’t like holding hands, I jump when someone taps my shoulder, I stiffen when someone gives me an “affectionate” shoulder punch, and if someone grabs my waist or touches my back or butt or thigh, it feels like I’ve been personally invaded. However, for whatever reason I am perfectly okay when I initiate the touchiness (like hugging or cuddling). This seldom happens, but it still does at times. I thought I was alone in feeling this way, but I am beyond happy to know that I’m not the only one. Thank you so much everyone, you have no idea how amazing this feels.

  49. Maria Madrigal said,

    I have the same problem as many people that had commented. I hate the feel of skin touching me, I hate the feel of the warm of the other person when they touch me. When it happens, I get nervous ticks and I have to stroke the area trying to get rid of the feeling the person left. Also, I have to scratch the back of my ears or neck, trying also to get rid of the feeling left by the other person. I don’t know if this is related but, don’t like to touch something that another person was touching, sitting or using. If I do I can literally feel their body heat radiate from those items. Example, if I go somewhere and there are no sits available and after a while a person stands, I can’t go and sit down. I have tried, but I can feel thei body heat and I feel extremely uncomfortable. Maybe I am crazy, my mother doesn’t understand it. She thinks i am being mean, and otherthings.

  50. Julia said,

    I relate to all of this but I’m not autistic or have aspergers. I also wasn’t abused and I’m not germanphobic. Is there something else that causes this?

    • Wendy said,

      I am now [only in the past 6mths] self diagnosed as being tactile defensive – having located this site. I have never been aspergers or autistic but I think if my research serves me well that every human is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I have a B.Ed. and we study Psychology in our training years to being a teacher. I am recently retired. What gets me is the punching on the arm like I’m some sort of mate to the male that feels he can do that. I told him not to do it otherwise I would have to report him. He was the Subject Master. He had to consciously desist but had told me his daughters were quite happy for him to do this. I told him that they most likely were not happy and to check with them and stop that type of behaviour. He was harmless enough and a good person. Tapping or flicking my arm or any other part of my body to get my attention or make an ‘affectionate’ contact make me a not so ‘happy camper’. I notice that others do not attract this type of attention. Why me? I’ve only just’ come out’ to my sister about it all via a mutual friend. One doesn’t wish to totally get cut off from affection by announcing it to all and sundry. I am fine with affectionate hugs, strokes and touches however. Its all a matter of degree.

  51. Jasmine said,

    I get a weird tingling feeling whenever someone brushes against my skin lightly. Once my dog was licking me on the leg and I had to push her away to stop the uncomfortable feeling

  52. Mike said,

    I don’t know but this girl would randomly touch me to get my attention every now and then. When I did it twice, she got angry and blasted me mercilessly (I mean it was just a tap or poke on the shoulder)!

  53. Naomi said,

    whats a word for someone(me) that doesnt like to be around people for a long period of tomr

    • Jasmin said,

      I’m pretty sure that’s being an introvert. A lot of people are like that including me. Introverts usually as re more comfortable being alone than with others and get tired when around a lot of people over a long period of time.

  54. parhat osman said,

    It is so weird that touching by other people can make person uncomfortable, however they should got by punish by the people around them.

  55. Jasmin said,

    I just recently realized that over the year I have found that touch is very uncomfortable. I only let certain people touch me even though it displeased me because I don’t want to be rude. But the thought of being touched irks me and when people I don’t know or trust touch me I feel like the area they touched is slimy, and I always feel the need to woe the invisible “slime” off. But the thing is I have a deep want to be able to embrace people comfortably. But whenever I try to really hug somebody I always fell awkward and the need to get away. I’ve never been in a relationship and find it easier to embrace woman that men.

    • Jasmin said,

      But, the weird thing is I crave a touch from a man. I grew up with a father who was hardly there and emotionally scarred me as a young child.

  56. Laila carter said,

    ” I Hate Hate HATE! Having People Come Up To Me and say hey then touch me on my shoulder or arm. I dont know why but i feel disgusted , like i need to just crawl in a ball and start crying because that really upsets me .. I dont know why people haven’t gotten the idea that i dont want to be touched. I repeatedly have told everyone but they dont listen 😥 . I have ears So Please Lets All Use Or Mouths And Ears To Communicate.”

  57. Mo said,

    I am a man and I don’t mind women touch me but I hate it when men touch me.I feel like they are intruding on my privacy and taking controlling over my body and feel superior to me

  58. Linda Chipman said,

    Wow..now I get it! I never understood why my boyfriend doesn’t want to be touched, or makes me talk to h several feet away, or wants perfectly quiet. He has emotional pain and often has angry outburst for no reason. He isolated from the world except for me but still had his times when he must sleep alone. I love him very much. My nature is to hug, touch, comfort when he is upset. Now I see why he reacts this way. He tells me we are not compatible but won’t let me go. He has never told me about the on out tactile defensiveness and thinks I should just know. He must love me a lot to endure this behavior from me. He must know I mean well and always needs me because I want to comfort and soothe him, hold him and fuss over him. I never knew this caused him pain. He says sometimes I make him more anxious. My heart is broken because I never would want to hurt him..ever. Thank you for this very honest account of your experience. It may save a beautiful relationship. Now how to learn better ways to show him respect and the love I feel for him in a way he will value. I pray it is not too late. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  59. Lily Davis said,

    Okay so I was Wondering. I hate being touched but when I get touched it burns. Not like heat. But like little needles. Then I get a headache. It starts out small but then grows and it annoys me when people decide to touch me. When my Tia touches me its fine. My sister is a big cuddler and I tell her not to touch me but she does anyway. Its weird when I get touched. It physically and mentally hurts. Can anyone tell me why?

  60. Nixon said,

    I kept insisting to my family that I wasn’t insane. I usually dislike all physical contact, though my boyfriend is an exception. Any other time, I flinch away terribly, much to which has gotten me yelled at by my mother who says that she’s allowed to touch me because she is my mother. She seems to use that excuse every time I feel uncomfortable.
    I suppose its alright with my friends because I am able to hold myself back, but they understand that I don’t quite like physical-ness very much.
    One of said friends has been trying to let me know about my condition (as if I didn’t already know that there was something going on in myself), but she insists that my isolation at a young age was a huge factor, to which I agree.
    As a young child, my parents kept me away from other people and my mother feared that I’d be molested, so she wouldn’t let people touch me. I assumed it was alright for people to not touch each other and go about their business, but as life went on, I began to find that people became more grabby and stubborn. I constantly tell people not to touch me and that I feel greatly uncomfortable when contact is made, but they go straight to touching my shoulder or arm and say, “Are you uncomfortable now?” or, “Stop being a narcissist.” (I do not understand why someone would assume I’m a narcissist for not liking it when they touch me in any form.)
    I usually, when things like this do happen, end up flinching away or hitting their hand. I do not think this is an acceptable way of coping with myself, but I honestly have no other way to react. I find that my expression immediately drops and I turn disgusted and I get this feeling to vigorously wash or even tear off (in most cases) the area that someone has touched. I’m not too sure if that’s still considered tactile sensitivity or not, but I feel as though its something more. I just feel dirty with unwanted touches and I can’t breath half the time it happens. I’m not too sure what’s going on with myself, but it’s nice to be assured that I’m not what many claim I am.

  61. Bri said,

    I feel the exact same way but only when under emotional stress, like don’t touch or try and hug me it makes me feel repulsed and want to jump out of my skin and I can’t sort out why I’m upset. Never been diagnosed but I’ve had my suspicions my parents were also this way but not nearly to my degree. I also don’t like it when I’m trying to concentrate on something. I have terrible anxiety.

  62. No said,

    This is stupid and pointless. If I wanted to read comments I’d go to YouTube or something. What’s the point? This isn’t advice. Nor a story with a moral besides “don’t touch people who say no” which everyone who’s decent won’t. So like what is this even and why is it like the first result on google when I search ” how to get over sexual fears”

    First

    Result

    What

  63. ThoughtfullyConfused said,

    It’s not that I don’t like being touched it’s that I can feel it before it actually happens. Like my friend went to poke my back to get my attention. I was already shifting away before I even fully realized that they were trying to touch me. It felt like pinpricks on my back when their finger was an inch or so away. Why? am I overly sensitive or something?

  64. Tyler Gray said,

    Is there a reason why I like touching people but hate it when they try to touch me?

  65. Anastasia said,

    I was abused when u was i was 13 after i hated being touched it started to hurt me hurt me i didnt understand it but im grate full to find im not alone whem ever my own mother tries to hug me i want to cry an back away my dad would pull my close am hug me really tight sn hold me an i would push an push an get really irrated an i would want to rip out my own skin i cant evan be touched lighly by my mom it hurts but sometimes i can its so hard😞

  66. James said,

    Certain sensations and contacts drive me crazy. For example being kissed on the head instantly makes me feel like destroying something, ruins my mood, makes me need to take a shower and the burning sensation lasts for hours. I can handle other types of touch just fine. I love full body massages even by professionals i just met. It really depends on the type of touch and where and if I’m expecting it.

  67. Katie Bisio said,

    I’m adopted so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but I feel repulsed and disgusted when my (adoptive) parents touch me. Like when one of them wakes me up in the morning, they touch my arm and my face and my leg and it just makes me so angry and gross. I’ve showed my anger before but they just don’ t take me seriously. More recently, I’ve been sick and my mom was trying to wake me up tonight for dinner and I was half awake but I didn’t want to get up so I tried to pretend I was sleeping so she’d leave, but decided to KEEP trying to wake me up and she was touching my arm and stroking it and doing something weird with her fingers and she was touching my face and was caressing it as well, and she even touched my exposed stomach, and it was DISGUSTING. I’m really super angry right now and disgusted, when my parents touch me I feel disgusting and get angry. Sometimes when they try to wake me up they TOUCH MY BUTT AND I WANT TO KICK THEM. One night I had a horrible nightmare where someone was molesting me and woke up to my mom sitting on my bed trying to wake me up touching my arm and stomach and legs and face. I’m not scared of them or anything. It’s just that their touch is repulsive. And now I feel better after writing it all out.

  68. Oshiozuwe said,

    I hate being touched, especially when it is unexpected. I love to touch people but the thought of someone touching me is so irritable. I feel the touch for hours and I have to rub my hand over the place they touched to get rid of the feeling.

  69. Ciel Phantomhive said,

    I don’t know why people like to hug me, but they do. Apparently, I look like a very huggable person. People will just come out of nowhere and hug me, and it feels like they are trying to tie me down and drown me. If someone touches me, I flinch or back away quickly. It is just my natural reflex. Today, my friend was going to put her arm around me, and I ducked before she could. People think I am a freak because of this, but it is just who I am. Can’t they just hug someone else for a change?

  70. Steve Eby said,

    I really do not like to be touched by anyone. If someone​ touches me, it almost feels like being frozen in place. I believe it is more of anexity issue for me. I understand that co-workers are just showing support towards me and my work. I know with girlfriends they are showing more of emotional support or just showing that they care for me.

  71. Ron said,

    I completely understand ever since the navy I can’t stand to b touched or in close quarters wit ppl I’m not sexually involved wit even my moms when she hugs me it doesn’t feel normal I jus feel like my personal bubble should b respected at all times dnt touch me dnt get to close jus dnt

  72. Joy said,

    I am a 34 yr old woman. I was 7 when I got my first haircut. I was such a tomboy! I’d get hung up in the trees and such so I BEGGED my mom to cut it. It was almost down to the back of my knees. She literally cut it to my shoulders, put a bowl on my head and chopped some bangs. From that point on my hair turned into a big poof of unmanageable wad of hair! My older sisters tried different things to try to help tame it but NOTHING worked. At 13 I gave up and started growing it out. Once I got it down to the middle of my back (took 2-3yrs) I , MYSELF would cut about 4 to 6 in. off about every 6mo. months or so. But for at least the last 10 yrs I get SO freaked out when other ppl, especially strangers! touch my hair! It has nothing to do with the yrs of others screwing it up. Its just MY HAIR! One night I had taken a bath and washed my hair but I had to run to the store before it closed. Ps. I ALWAYS HAVE IT IN A BUN ! But this time I just had enough time to brush it and go. I’m not mean or aggressive at all but as I was standing in line to check out the FREEEEEEAK behind me (I didn’t even know he was there) reached out and just took two hands full of my hair and tried to say something like “oh its so pretty” or whatever. Without a second thought I slapped the F*** outa him! I felt instantly nauseated. The clerk kicked him out of the store. It was like being assaulted. This has happened on more than one occasion. Wth is wrong with me? I Do NOT have asperger’s . Its gotta be a phobia. But its only someone else touching MY hair that sends me into a defensive panic. What’s the name for that?

  73. Amberly said,

    I have times in my life were it is literally unbearable to allow another person to touch me . I cringe away from your touch so my skin starting to crawl at the invasion Of their skin touching mine. I feel completely hopeless and distraught in those few seconds of misery that for me feels like an Eternity for every sec that goes by. I’m not always like this but it seems that certain people places things trigger me. I have tried to force myself to endorse it thinking it will make it go away if you just take it. That hasn’t worked for me . Idk if anyone else has felt this way and found a way to work though it? Any advise will be appreciated

  74. moo moo said,

    I am having a hard time figuring something out, (this works on everyone I’ve done it to) every time someone get’s mad at me, I usually can’t fist fight them because one- I’m not a fighter,and 2- I don’t want that self image. so instead I slightly tilt my head in anyway I can without it being noticeable, then I make direct eye contact, then I put my left hand on their right shoulder (when I do this I am directly in front of them) then I use what you would think was a soothing voice to talk to them, it makes them so mad they can’t stand to pick on me again because they know I will do it again.

  75. Clara Bloom said,

    I have tactile sensivity too. I have been known to gasp LOUDLY, though not on purpose if soneone touches me from behind. Just an automatic response on my part.

  76. Karissa said,

    How interesting. I loved a man very very much. My fiance died in a car accident. I developed this. There was serious emotional and mental trauma. He and I were close like soul mates. We couldnt be close enough or with each other enough hours in a day. Once he was gone, I cringed to be touched. I think in time, having 2 kids I became more used to it. My kids and partner could touch my arm. A year and a half ago my 2nd son was born stillborn. I broke it off with his father. The loss of my child and his father has put me back at sq. 1. I hate to be touched. It makes me want to vomit. I don’t like light touch on my bare arms. Firm touches aren’t so bad. Those light touches make me want to turn inside out. My 12 yr old daughter thinKS it’s hilarious. It’s so not. It’s revolting. I wonder if there is any correlation to ptsd and this tactile sensitivity.

  77. ESI said,

    I love my family. My children try to hug me or play with me it hurts so bad. My mother and father try to hug or hold my hand it hurts… I want to vomit, tear my skin off, my head hurts like a massive migraine. I have to close my self in my room. My husband’s touch is normally ok. He handles a lot. What does this mean and how do I fix it?

  78. Genesis said,

    I hate when someone touches me or touches my skin if bothers me so much my mom said I’ve been that way since I was a baby, I don’t know it’s just when someone touches me I back away really fast and say “please don’t touch me” but I can touch other people


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