Tactile sensitivity
Some call it ‘tactile defensiveness’ – a fancy name for people who simply don’t want to be touched or hugged, and usually have very good reasons for it, e.g. being physically hypersensitive and finding it painful, overwhelming, repulsive or distracting, or too personal and invasive.
“It physically HURTS me when someone taps me on the shoulder, brushes against my arm, etc. When I tell people not to touch me, and they do it anyway, I feel like it’s a deliberate assault, because not only is it a violation of my senses, but it is a violation of my wishes.
“I don’t like to be touched during conversations. It’s not only an invasion of my bubble, but it feels like they are, for that brief moment, claiming ownership of my body. I do not like it at all. I know they are trying to get me to look them in the eye, or to get me to pay closer attention to them, but instead they are making me want to cringe away.”
– Tom, Aspie from USA
“I cannot understand why some people feel the need to touch me when they are talking to me either. I can hear perfectly well without their touch; if anything it is so distracting I cannot focus on what they are saying. I continually back away and the person touching me doesn’t seem to get the hint and then I usually have to tell them that I prefer not to be touched and then I get a kind of look or reaction that I am some kind of freak.”
“It really makes me feel happy and appreciated knowing that someone who is normally a touchy feely person restrains because they know I don’t like it – it’s like a sign of respect and I respect them back because of it.”
– Julie, Aspie from England
“Touching skin irks me. I don’t like the feel of it. It’s too emotionally overbearing as in you’re just feeling uncomfortable with it. Too mushy for me lol.
– Lorna, Aspie
“I rarely want to be touched. I don’t want my parents to hug me for example, except if I do it first. I don’t want to shake hands, but do it anyway. I like hugging if it’s on my terms, e.g. that I’m the one hugging and not being hugged.”
– ‘Catasa’, female Aspie from Sweden
Some may find touch acceptable or even enjoyable, but only at certain times, by certain people, when mentally prepared and in the mood. Unexpected touch is dreaded by many.
“I like touching my boyfriend, but I don’t like touching anyone else! I can feel where they touched me for hours afterward, like they left a mark on my skin.” *shudder*
– Kitty, Aspie
“I can usually touch other people without trouble but when they touch me, especially if by accident, I recoil as if I was burned.”
– William, Aspie from USA
It is common to find light touch worse than firm.
“I find it very unpleasant when somone wants to stroke my arms or my sholder, as if for solace and support. It hurts to my very bones.”– ‘Catasa’, female Aspie from Sweden
Some feel intensely uncomfortable just being too close to others. Size of personal space may vary greatly.
“I have a certain comfort zone which I don’t like people to infringe upon, but in addition to that, I tend to keep the rest of the world at a distance from me and really get agitated if it comes too close or intrudes.”
– Tom, Aspie from USA
“I detest when someone gets in my personal space, which happens to be 20 ft out.”
– Alan, adult with acquired SID from USA
“I don’t like anyone to stand nearer than three or four feet, even friends (except my someone special). In crowds, people are always moving into my personal space. I also get really annoyed when someone jostles me with their purse or packages (etc). Also, I tend to move fast, and the crowd moves too slow. I get really irritable. The noise is also not fun. I’m also pretty uncomfortable if someone sits near me and their body is touching mine. It drives me nuts.”
– Jae, female with SID from USA
“I find having people I do not know sit next to me difficult too (even if I know them it is hard), especially if I feel hemmed in and feel that I cannot escape. I really cannot stand people behind me either; I find queing especially difficult if the person behind me is invading my personal space, I feel trapped and want to desperately escape and if someone comes up behind me and touches me I do have a tendency to lose it somewhat.”
– Julie, Aspie from England
Inside Perspectives 
Everything I’m Not | Seek Liza said,
21 April 2012 at 20:50
[…] matter what I try my hardest to do, I can’t change the way being touched feels for me. I don’t freaking choose to be this […]
Brittany said,
24 May 2012 at 6:04
I have always disliked being touched. I recently got a new boyfriend and I really like him but I can’t stand being touched even by him and that’s when I started thinking this has to be some type of illness I have! I’m so happy to know that I am not alone in this! It’s so hard to tell people that you don’t like being touched because they find it hard to understand and they just feel like your being rude! Is there any type of treatment for this and should I see a doctor?
Rosa said,
02 March 2016 at 13:53
That is very true Brittany, I too suffer from this and my peers see this as a thing to bully me about rather than understanding the issue. I feel comfortable with touch from people close to me (parents, siblings, girlfriend etc.) though but strangers or even friends are not ‘allowed’ into my “bubble”…..
Aubrey said,
09 September 2018 at 7:11
My friends and peers do the same thing to me, Rosa! One friend in specific hugs me and jabs my ribs just because she knows it makes me uncomfortable. It is really annoying and makes me dislike her more and more with each torturing embrace. It’s different for me with the parents and siblings thing though. I feel most uncomfortable with kisses from my mom and hugs from my dad. They think I’m distant because I always dodge their cage-like arms and unbearable pecks on the cheek. I’m grateful to find that my “condition” isn’t as uncommon as I though it was.
Lisa Bottari said,
12 November 2020 at 16:49
I feel the same way. It’s been over a year with my boyfriend and I’m pretty sure it’s starting to cause a problem. As much as I love him and would die without him I can’t bare to be touched and am unwilling to ever sit through it anymore just can’t handle it, can’t stand it!
monica said,
08 July 2012 at 10:47
i am a touchy person. and am usually okay if someone touches me in conversation. im fine if a family member hugs me and etc. but once im in an… awkward or uncomfortable situation with someone and they touch me it feels like im getting frost bite where they touch. and it is in only certain places like my knee or leg or arm and so on. is this weird? should i talk to a doc. about this?
Ing said,
08 July 2012 at 19:11
I have no idea, dear. I have never heard of that sort of problem before but I’m not a medical professional. I guess if something is a big problem for you, you can ask your doctor (or an Occupational Therapist who often deal with tactile issues) but I can’t really give advice one way or the other. This blog is just for information, it is not an interactive medical guide. Sorry.
Missed replying to Brittany, but I would have given the same answer.
Katie. said,
15 June 2015 at 20:38
Uh me to ! I feel the same exact way… I don’t think we need a doctor, maybe its just we are very sensitive in situations.
Lisa Bottari said,
12 November 2020 at 16:51
This is how it all started for me… now I can’t ever be that uched
Sarah said,
15 October 2012 at 11:55
“Some may find touch acceptable or even enjoyable, but only at certain times, by certain people, when mentally prepared and in the mood. Unexpected touch is dreaded by many”
In reference to above the note how do people cope with this, with there other partner have you managed to found a common ground? Does it cause problems? Are your boyfriends quite touchy themselves or have you found it works better with guys that are less touchy?
I only ask this as I am quite similar to the above statemet and I wonder how people cope.
Anon said,
04 January 2017 at 14:52
I’ve had trouble being touched by anyone in the past, and the only acception is my current boyfriend. It was less a matter of me coping with him and more a matter of him learning about my aversion to touch and asking me if it was okay to hold my hand, touch my shoulder, cup my cheek, etc.. on our dates. It helped being in control and being given control over when and how I was touched.
My boyfriend is a notoriously touchy person, and there were a few instances where he would forget to ask when he touched me (after which he would always apologize) but as the relationship went on, I started to mind his touching less because I grew into a constant state of consent after all the previous times he had asked and I had said yes.
Of course I still have times when I don’t like being touched by him, but they happen rarely and only when I’m stressed.
I can’t say how to cope with sudden or unexpected touch by strangers, but explaining to your loved ones or significant other that you need them to ask before touching you helps. Let them know how truly uncomfortable it makes you and that it is a matter of consent. Ask them to respect you and your boundaries until you are comfortable.
I hope that was at least a little helpful.
ashley said,
04 December 2012 at 18:34
i dont like being touched by people mostly boy’s they have no right to invade my space and they should stay out of my space. going out to all the strangers and boys.
Brenda Nieves said,
28 December 2012 at 20:24
I do not at all enjoy my personal space being invaded by people I do not know or have only a casual acquaintance with. For me, personal space is about arms length. I especially loath uninvited touch and at times, even touch that is considered a normal part of certain activities. I recently tried to take a dance class at my local community center. When the instructor partnered the students to one another and the lesson began, I was overwhelmed with the fact that my partner was so close to me. Adding to the stress was that his hands were on me and mine on him. Of course this is expected in such an activity but I just couldn’t do it. Several times a year I try to force myself to step outside of my comfort zone just to see if anything has changed but that was just too much!!
Lisa D. said,
26 January 2013 at 16:46
http://www.sensoryshield.com/pages/information-cards
Richelle Hall said,
27 February 2013 at 22:33
I don’t like when people tough me and its unnessicary. Like, it’s ok if someone is behind me, and taps me to get my attention, but if I am talking to someone and they touch me at at, I can’t help but cringe away. I especially hate it when someone I’m not very close to, or someone I don’t like touches me. It just irritates me all the time. I cannot stand it!
Lisa Daly said,
27 February 2013 at 22:46
Richelle, I would contact you offline, but don’t have your info. If you email me at Lisa@sensoryshield.com with your address, I’ll send you some free pins and cards.
Maygan said,
14 March 2013 at 1:28
Like, it doesn’t hurt if anyone touches me. If it’s my boyfriend or my friend Sarah, it’s absolutely fine, but anyone else touches me, expected or not, I get really mad. I don’t want to hit them or anything, but I get really annoyed and I get snappy. I’ll be like, ‘Stop touching me!’
Mary said,
19 June 2018 at 2:14
I’m cringing so hard just reading all these
emily said,
06 February 2014 at 2:43
I have always been annoyed by touch. My earliest memory was when I was about 6 yrs old and my mom was trying to put me to sleep by rubbing lightly on my skin. I remember I told her to stop cuz it hurt. I am now an adult and in a serious relationship and have to explain to him that I don’t like it. he does. I would rather it be rough. hard to live with. sad to say but my kids too. my daughter would love to do my hair but the thought of it makes me cringe. sucks
Mackay (possibly aspie) from England said,
28 May 2014 at 0:39
I really don’t like it when people touch me and probably the worst incident was a big family holiday in Kenya for my grandad’s 80th birthday which was amazing but on an internal flight from Mombasa to Nairobi I was sitting next to matt on the plane. (My uncle’s partner’s son) he knows that I get weird about people touching me but he does it to annoy me anyway. (He is 19!) he was poking me and prodding my leg but then he suddenly hugged me really tight and in the confined space of a Boeing 777, there wasnt any space for me to move away. The thing is that I got really panicky even though I knew nothing had was going to happen. I kept saying get off go away and stuff like that but he didnt so I started punching in the face (not in a was that could seriously hurt him though) but he still didnt get off so I swung my leg into his shin a couple times and he said ouch but just hugged me tighter so I couldn’t move my body. I didn’t know what to do and I started to think I was gonna die or suffocate or something but then cos his arm was holding my arms pinned to my chest, across the front of my body I bent my head down and put my teeth on his arm as if I was about to bite him. He let go in shock and i wriggled over toward the window.
Another event was in karate when we were practising how to get someone’s arms off if they were strangling you. I got called up to the front as I was the highest belt in the class that day so Sensei could demonstrate on me. After that we had to pair up and practise on each other. I went with my friend who knows I don’t like hugs and stuff but thought it stopped at that. I put my hands round her neck as if I was strangling her but made sure she put her collar up so I didn’t actually touch her but when it came to my turn I got unexpectedly panicky and backed away and I would have been crying if I hadn’t suppressed it (it was karate so it would have seemed really bad to cry) it scares me and I start to think I’m going to die even though there’s only a tiny possibility of that happening. Eventually sensei said I didn’t have to do though.
I have never liked being touched, especially around my head, neck and shoulders. I never did that think at kid discos where everyone made a train unless I could be right at the back. Sometimes it causes problems like my mum overreacts (in my opinion) and if I squirm away when she touches me she starts to mutter about me being selfish and cold hearted and hating my own mother, which really gets to me but I know that once she’s in that mood trying to tell her anything other than her own opinion is the wrong thing to do and it makes me feel alone and unloved.
Celah said,
03 June 2014 at 4:48
You’re a judgmental twat waffle!
Tiffany said,
09 October 2014 at 9:10
I also cannot stand people touching me,or being to close to me. When someone touches me, ( shoulder, back , arm , hand) while they are talking to me , I don’t listen to what they are saying all I can think about it getting away from their touch, it stays with me for hours afterward a lingering feeling and not a good one. If someone try’s to whisper something to me I will recoil and wipe my hand over my ear lots of times vigorously anything to get that feeling off me. I don’t mind hugs from my kids, but everyone else’s hugs are to much for me .
Naseera said,
26 April 2015 at 7:17
My teenage daughter has never liked touch and even when she hugs us, her body tenses up. She gets really upset when even family members touch her. I am concerned about her future in terms of marriage and children. How does one manage this condition so that it does not negatively impact your relationships?
Victoria said,
04 November 2015 at 20:01
I hate being touched by anyone, even family. I mostly tolerate touches from family members and close friends; but if I hardly know the person, like the try to go in for a hug or high five, I back away quickly. Usually I’ll have a stunned look on my face and ask them what they are doing.
I am married and have a daughter. I find that they are my two exceptions when it comes to touch. I will admit that it took a couple of months of tolerating breastfeeding before I was ok with it.
Aubrey said,
29 September 2018 at 20:27
Naseera, I am also a teenage girl and I know exactly what your daughter is going through. Know that she loves you, she just simply doesn’t like being hugged or touched. Let her have her personal space and understand that she shows affection differently than physical touch. It feels like an invasion of privacy and it can even be overwhelming. As for her future, everything should be fine. When she meets her spouse she will be uncomfortable with him touching her at first, BUT over time, she might eventually become comfortable with him touching her. Don’t come into her space until she invites you in. Good luck!
Summer said,
23 October 2014 at 2:02
I really don’t like being touched either, it’s very invasive.I don’t like it when people hover behind me, it makes me want to run out of the room. My personal space is really big too. I especially don’t like giving hugs to family because the relationship you and your family have is already more than enough
Giving hugs just makes it so much worse( in a boundary kind of way)
Mikki said,
23 October 2014 at 13:57
That’s exactly how I feel. Relationships that you have with certain people can make it that much worse.
Nate said,
12 November 2014 at 4:06
I don’t mind hugging if I’m the one hugging people and they’re usually just close friends and family. In the hallways I speed walk to each class to get away from being touched. I’ve told guys before to please not touch me and they think it’s like a game because I cringe or try to move away so it’s funny to them. I try to keep my distance but some people are just touchy. I have made some small slip ups everynow and again when guys are talking to me and go to move something close to me away and I’ll move sharply and then they make me explian it but it seems that they don’t get it. I am trying to open up to people now but it’s hard. I’m very small and I don’t like hugging tall guys because I feel suffocated. It’s hard for me because all my friends are dating and I can barley shake a guys hand whether he is a friends father, a dentist, a doctor, or just a guy. It’s genuinely something I have to force my self to do.
Melissa Jordan said,
22 November 2014 at 16:28
I am this way. I do not like to be touched. I never really knew I had this problem as I would just cringe my way through situations that involved touching. Now that I know I have this I feel better about myself but it does not help that I married a man whose love language is physical touch. It’s taken therapy and many years to come to this realization. My husband kept thinking I did not love him. I love him very much but cannot stand to hug or have him touch me. I feel bad but I cannot change this. I have to do deep breathing techniques to get though being touched.
Flustered Fosho said,
24 March 2018 at 17:10
I am the same as your husband. I am madly in love with someone just like you. We are agreeable and awesome on most subjects and our”ways” are comfortable except on this one huge issue. It seems to effect most everything… Im perplexed and disheartened and disraught. Im searching for that magic happy medium. There seems to be none. One of us is always potentionally miserable due to this touch issue. Everything i do seems to be seen as disrespectful or invasive or controlling when it is the fartherest thing from my intent. That saddenes me and hurts me to my core. How does your husband handle your differences in this area? Im sincerely attempting to learn and figure out me, him, us….
debbie said,
06 January 2015 at 13:32
I was badly injured and healed enough that I do not take pain meds but IG someone touches me it will trigger pain. Then it takes time to get the pain under control again. People think I am rejecting them so I end up furious because they think o am lying about the pain. Then I am mad and in pain. Why?
Alice said,
26 January 2015 at 4:39
I don’t get it. I liked to be touched by other people sexually, but I can’t touch them sexually. Is there a name for that?
Lisa Bottari said,
12 November 2020 at 18:00
Hey Alice u fucking bitch grow up and go get a life u judge mental fuck. Karmas a bitch u know and I’m willing to bet it doesn’t treat u so kindly.
chloe said,
17 February 2015 at 15:38
That is utterly rude and disrespectful. Why are you on this forum? Do you have this “problem”? If you do not have anything nice to say then, not to be rude, but, be quiet. Not everyone is perfect, obviously like yourself, but just because others are different from you does not mean you are to disrespect them. I am most probably younger than you if I am honest and I am more mature. If you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything at all.
Clara said,
05 June 2018 at 1:15
Thank you, Chloe.
Stephanie said,
06 March 2015 at 7:02
I don’t know why but I hate it when people touch my legs. I have no idea why. It just really bothers me. If it’s my own touch, obviously it’s not going to bother me and if it’s leg-to-leg, it doesn’t bother me either. But hand-to-leg? I brush it off so fast because I hate itmy friends and family think it’s a joke but it really REALLY bothers me.
Hana said,
11 May 2015 at 16:36
i have the exact same problem. i have done so much research by now and all i have found are people who dont like being touched in general. you are the only person who said you dont like your legs being touched. and i hate it too! especially when they touch my calf muscles. and this problem is starting to be really anoying because people dont take me seriously when i tell them not to touch my legs!
i would love if someone could explain to me why do i have this problem
Mini said,
18 March 2015 at 0:51
I too do not like being touched. I remember I didn’t mind it when I was younger, but as I got older, I just couldn’t stand it. What worsens it is that when I say I don’t like my hair/anywhere else being touched, sometimes people purposely pull me into overbearing hugs and touch my hair, which in all honesty makes me want to explode in rage. If someone doesn’t like to be touched, you shouldn’t do things like that to them. Just let them be.
L said,
13 April 2015 at 14:19
Ok so I generally don’t like to be touched, but I also don’t like a lot of things and can get worried over small things. I figured I get worried over things that might hurt me. My family thinks I am just over reacting and a drama queen so don’t take me very seriously. I don’t like shaking hands, hugs or any other physical contact but I am very good at avoiding those situations and/or freaking out silently when they happen. I have recently turned 18 and as a gift my mum and sisters booked by a full body Swedish massage. To say I am freaking out is an understatement. I LOVE my personal bubble and the thought of a complete stranger touching me for a full hour, practically nude is giving me sleepless nights. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be rude and say thanks but no thanks- they would not believe my reasoning, they would say that I am over-reacting. But then again I am having nightmares about having this massage. HELP. I know this is probably not the place to ask for advice but I just don’t know where else I could find other people who wouldn’t judge me and call me a worry wart.
Thanks
bhri said,
17 April 2015 at 10:41
Omg I literally nearly got sick the thoughts of that is… HORRIBLE!!! Just give it to someone else and go away for that day so your parents won’t know!!
bhri said,
17 April 2015 at 10:37
I honestly hate when people touch my shoulders and my knees. It actually makes me feel kind of sick. As for the back of my neck, that’s the worst it makes me feel like I’ve been abuse, I get this really bad tingling now my shoulders, and I can’t stand it cause I don’t like the feeling of someone or anything for that matter touching my shoulders and as for my spine and I hate that tingling feeling, like you know when you get pins and needles in your foot well I get something 10 times worse and I hate it I acactually sometimes think I’m going to be sick
Jade said,
29 May 2015 at 22:25
I’m glad I’m not alone, I thought I was so weird! I can deal with people touching me in some places, but my neck, shoulders, head, and stomach areas are off limits. If someone unexpectedly grabs my shoulders (it’s happened twice) I go into a full blown panic attack. I also get incredibly uncomfortable when people are too close behind me. Whispering makes me want to cry. The only way I’ve found to describe it is overwhelmed. It’s almost painful, but not quite. I wasn’t always like this though, so that’s why I found it weird. I used to love getting massages from my mom but within the last three years whenever she touches my upper back region I tense up so bad. If she goes near my neck and shoulders, and stays there a while, I dissolve into tears. My brother used to love to poke me until I begged him to stop because a gentle poke felt like he was stabbing me with a blunt object.
Katie said,
31 May 2015 at 18:20
Really happy to have found this. I’ve struggled with this for some years. I can never tell when I’m ready to be touched. I typically hate being touched. Contact sometimes hurts and puerile look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t lie being too close to anyone. I feel bad for my husband because a lot I don’t want to be touched and it hurts his feelings. He can’t be spontaneous. But I can touch him. Hug him. On my terms. Which is frustrating for him. I find him attractive and enjoy looking at him but can’t have him touch me whenever. This is me with most people. I become extremely stressed out and sometimes on the verge of tears when someone touched me. I try to be very still and calm so I don’t offend but I usually can’t help it. And then some friends do it to be funny because they think it’s a game. But I’m glad to have found that others understand what it’s like. I can’t explain it to anyone. I’ve never been abused as a child or anything. I just know it started when I was 12.
Kattastrophe said,
25 June 2015 at 12:00
I used to be quite a huggy person and I never minded human contact, but there have been times, 2 in particular, one which lasted months and months and destroyed a strong relationship with someone whom I adored with all my heart, and now which has lasted a week or so thus far, hence why I have looked up the forums.
Touch is like electric, or strong, sharp and painful vibrations that make me feel so uncomfortable and skittish that I have to tell my own partner to stop touching me and to be honest; I feel awful for it.
I’m afraid it’ll drive a wedge between us and I’ll run for the hills like I did last time, purely because I can’t face my partner having to be in a relationship with someone as cold as I can be.
I just wish I knew what the problem was, as it’s always tied in with my mood swings, sometimes I am genuinely fine with it, cuddle me, kiss me, play with my hair, it’s fine. But as for these bubbles I get, I’m like a completely different person, and it’s hard explain. I need my solitude and personal space…
Liz said,
01 July 2015 at 2:43
I have a very hard time with boyfriends because it’s nothing personal. I DO NOT like to be caressed or touched or anything like that. It does feel like an assault and an anger starts in me that I don’t like. Of course I don’t physically hurt him when he does it but I do imagine slapping him. I have to put myself somewhere else mentally when he’s doing it. It irks me to the core. But when I’ve told him this he just either says that’s stupid or not possible. I’ve gone through it with all of them but this current one doesn’t understand. The others all dealt with it which actually made me want to be mean THEM. Not them near me.
Liz said,
01 July 2015 at 2:47
I mean near them. Oops. Not “mean” them
Julia said,
05 July 2015 at 22:06
I HATE being touched, after my mum would kiss me on the cheek I would start feeling sick and want to cringe and cry. I always have the need to have a shower or disinfect myself in a way. Also, I hate hugs, they make me sick and make me extremely uncomfortable. Even by the people I am comfortable with. I hate ‘snuggling’ at night and my friends love it. I simply do not understand why or how they can enjoy something so invading. I am not even close with my mum, but I am with my friends and they make me cringe. It’s nothing personal at all, it’s just my own self, I like to keep my own self at a distance from some people. Sometimes it happens that I allow a person to cuddle or touch me in general, but it’s very rare and special because I am letting myself into something I will probably regret later. Kinda why I dislike sleepovers. I also hate being tickled or hate tickling someone. I am not ticklish either, and neither do I find it cute or enjoyable in any way shape or form. Also feet. I think feet are gross as they are, and when people decide to put them near me or near my FACE I freak out. Or when I’m walking and some people feel the need to hug me or hold my hand or grab me under my arm etc. I MOVE FAR AWAY. Why is it so hard for people to understand, especially to ask me if it’s okay and if I say no, to not take it personally but to respect what I am saying. Thinking about it makes me shiver and cringe and feel sick and makes me want to cry. I honestly don’t understand why I am like this while everyone else cuddles hugs etc ALL THE TIME. Also why I am avoiding relationships at all cost. But I honestly feel like under some kind of a sick assault when people give me any body contact unless I do it first and show them that I am comfortable with them touching me too. It’s not hard and I don’t need medical help. I need people to RESPECT ME.
Katherine said,
06 July 2015 at 6:39
i dont mind when people touch me unless i am angry…or by certain people like my mom. i cant stand it if she touches me. it hurts and makes me feel like i want to jump out of my skin.
Natalie said,
13 July 2015 at 4:54
I am in a relationship with someone with tactile sensitivity and its hard for me. My needs for affection are not being met and I think about cheating a lot. I think that people who don’t like to be touched are fine as long as they are honest about it with their partner upfront. It’s an issue of compatibility. It’s best to find someone who feels the same way you do about touching so there won’t be a problem. If you doing like to touch, you shouldn’t be with someone who does. Affection shouldn’t be forced. Either you like it or you don’t.
shayblues said,
29 July 2015 at 3:06
I always have the tendency to cry when someone invades my personal space especially my room. I don’t know if this was still normal. And also, I don’t liked being touched too. I always fought the urge not to do something harmful to them. Shall I see a psychiatrist? Or am I just too sensitive?
Katie Evans said,
31 July 2015 at 0:37
omg i am so happy to find others like this 🙂 i also suffer from this but with i hate my shoulders and upper back being touched for example if i see someone about to touch me i will instantly jump back its horrible it sends shiver down my back
Alex said,
12 August 2015 at 4:36
I feel very uncomfortable when I sit next to someone and tgeir legs or arms brush against me.. I used to even feel nauseated when someone would Hugh me in the passed I felt like it was taking forever and didn’t wuire know how to react.. She I sit next to someone and trey breathe it’s almost like anxiety that I get because I feel like my breathing wants to change to their Rythm .. I know weird! I never had physical good touch when I was young.. Just physical abuse.. Any type of physical contact makes me just over think about it, it sucks!
Rain said,
15 October 2015 at 17:25
its weird that i can shake some peoples hands but others i cant like yesterday i was at a awards ceremony from my job and the vice president came over to shake my hand but i couldnt thats when he tried fist bump and i coulodnt do that either. thats when it turned bad. he basically accused me being a racist. but im not i just cant get over this touching of anything. i know he was butt hurt about it but he made me hurt to for calling me a racist in front of people and went around telling people dont go over there because of me and i could hear him say it too which made me break down more and tryed to hold it in the best that i could. i know that i could have avoided it if i forced my self to shake hands with him but i cant do it now. afterwards i tryed to tell him sorry and try to shake his hand but he was gone. now my manager was mad at me for my mistake of not shaking his hand and im still feeling emotional about it. though through all this i told my best friend thats like a sister about my past which could have led me up to why i cant shake hands and such. i just hate that there are people out there like that, and they dont understand at all.
Josefine said,
10 November 2015 at 16:12
I HATE it, when people touch me. Unless i touch them first. A hand on my shoulder can really freak me out. It is not that it hurts, but it is just really uncomfortable. I get chills and it feels like i am going throw up. But i have nothing against cuddeling, kissing or holding hands
hannah said,
11 November 2015 at 21:58
This makes me feel so much better. I’ve just been noticing how much I hate uninvited physical contact. I have social anxiety, and I’m constantly sweating and I’m constantly nervous someone’s judging my social skills, and I was in a small room with a bunch of people and my best friends mom tickled my back and my whole face went red and I wanted to shoot myself I felt so uncomfortable i literally felt like I was just sexually harassed. And I was laying down on my stomach on my bed and my best friend came and jokingly slapped my butt and it just jolted and said “I do NOT feel comfortable with that” like it just came out and I felt kind of weird.. And I don’t mind the thought of kissing a boyfriend or having sex but I have physical contact with someone I don’t like or even if I like them. If they touch me I feel really weird and don’t know how to respond but i can hug people and get in their space really easily I just feel SUPER uncomfortable if someone does it to me. Phew. This made me feel so much better.
Skye said,
28 November 2015 at 20:15
I used to be fine with being touched but I have anxiety and it’s getting worse and when I get especially anxious I don’t want to be touched, which is a problem now cause I get anxious at family gatherings (at least at first) and that’s when everyone’s hugging and touching and stuff and the moment my grandma comes to hug me I tense up and cringe a bit.
hannahmcgee123 said,
05 December 2015 at 9:30
I dislike touching in any way shape or form, unless I touch them first. I get really uncomfortable when someone sits next to me also.
Shannon said,
07 December 2015 at 4:48
I don’t like it when people touch me. Light touches feel like needles to my skin and firm ones feel bruising. My boyfriend seems to unconsciously touch my nare leg or arm and it annoys me so much, it feels like he’s taking what energy I have left. I work at a cafe so my sensitivity to touch is tenfold when I get home. He also puts his arm on the back on the couch behind my head.
Wendy said,
17 December 2015 at 4:04
Thank you. I’m not Aspergis although the touch thing could be a symptom I have yet to investigate for the Aspie syndrome. I first noticed it after being subjected to Serial C contraceptive pill when I was 19yr old and couldn’t bare for my mother to touch me. It turned out that Serial C caused amongst other things depression and was banned 3yrs later. I am a sufferer of CFS / ME so photo sensitivity is part of the syndrome. In unsure about tactile defensiveness. I didn’t acquire CFS until age 43yr old and as I said before age 19yr, I was experiencing the touch aversion thing.
Tessa said,
04 January 2016 at 6:11
I avoid all physical contact at all times whether it be from my friends or family. And when I say touch I mean any tiny gesture like a pat on the back or ANYTHING. Any little touch like a hand on the shoulder or touching legs while sitting side by side makes me so overwhelmed I can not stand it and I have no reason why. I just get extremely nervous and uncomfortable and I want to run away. It makes me upset with myself because sometimes I really need that physical attention, and everyone around me is so used to me avoiding it that they will not give me it. I feel like something is wrong with me! For example sometimes you just really need a hug and I just want so badly to hug my best friend, but her knowing that we never hug would be weird so I just keep to myself and deal with the pain of not getting that hug. I’ve ruined friendships over my inability to be touched by anyone because so many female friendships require that touch that I am incompatible in those situations. I don’t mind any touch from my boyfriend we are constantly holding hands hugging etc, but anyone else even my parents I can not handle. It at times almost makes me physically sick when my mom puts her arm around me or hugs me for too many seconds, and it’s not that I don’t want to hug my mom I love my mom of course I would hug her just something inside me screams. What the hell is wrong with me?
Jackie said,
11 January 2016 at 6:02
I feel violated and extremely uncomfortable when people touch me… Even my family. I never considered it an issue or a problem of mine, but now I’m realizing that people say stuff like “oh right you don’t like being touched, sorry!” Which made me wonder if I’m unusual for being like this. I hate feeling this discomfort and sometimes I get jealous of being left out from hugs and affection… Or I’ll attempt to hug my friends but it is very displeasing in the end. Is there a way to help me? I am the totAl opposite when I’m intoxicated for some reason. Probably because it’s a depressant.
Nicole said,
17 January 2016 at 20:19
I can hug someone first but sometimes I’m playing with my nephew and all of a sudden I don’t want to be touched at all…..like i get this repulsive feeling when someone touches me
Jennifer morgan said,
10 February 2016 at 3:57
You all are freaks! Were you all tied up as children and fondled with against your will?
Affection is a wonderful thing.
Kiki said,
14 February 2016 at 13:48
I actually was molested on more than one occasion as a child and I’m assuming that is the reason for my hatred of being touched. I can’t speak for the others here who hate it as well because though we are similar our reasons are different. I do however find it wrong to joke about sexual assault with such a blase attitude.
As for the people who hate being touched; their feelings should not be invalidated because it’s not in the norm of what most people see as a good thing. Some people can hate touch for varying reasons be it sexual assault, autism spectrum disorders, or they simply find it to be a violation of their personal space. I and the others who have commented are not freaks for not wanting to be touched or having affection thrown out way. We feel differently when we are hugged, touched, etc. It makes us uncomfortable, violated, disgusted and many more things. And I understand that those are harsh adjectives for people who enjoy the affection they receive from a hug or casual pat on the back.
Trust me, I would like to not feel disgusted every time someone decides to show me physical affection. I would like to feel happy from that. But I just do not. I did not choose to hate physical interaction it is just something I feel. People who like it and people who hate is are simply different. Differences should be respected and understood.
Jonna said,
31 March 2016 at 7:34
I was brutally raped by four men while I was working overseas. I had never met them before.
I am not a freak. I am someone trying to move on from such a terrible event who happens to be very sensitive to touch, something exacerbated by what happened. My feelings shouldn’t be discounted because you cannot empathise.
wired said,
12 July 2016 at 1:28
I’ve been sexually assaulted too many times by people I trusted, so no, I’m not a ‘freak’ I’m just horrified by the thought of it continuing. I’m tired of not being treated like a human being, and now being touched by most, if not all people, makes me extremely uncomfortable and disgusted.
Julia said,
26 July 2016 at 18:36
The only freak here is you for being a dick, get off the internet troll
Wendy said,
27 July 2016 at 4:58
Like your response Julia. Shame some people have nothing better to do.
Lisa Bottari said,
12 November 2020 at 18:15
Yes we know that u stupid stupid bitch , mind ur own damn buissness and go find a life that doesn’t involve judging other people u mindless fuck!
Julie said,
24 February 2016 at 12:11
My legs are not only sensitive but ache all the time and if anyone touches them they hurt as well as an uncomfortable feeling, feels like they are bruised all over. I love being hugged but back away from the legs. I also get a weird feeling if someone touches my knee it is a horrible weird sensation.
Jonna said,
31 March 2016 at 7:28
I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship as a result of this. I have no issue with touching others, and I am ok with a firm touch on my back (but I must be aware that it’s going to happen). Any touch (anywhere other than my back) makes me feel… Goodness I wish a word existed to describe it – it’s not pain, and certainly beyond discomfort. I feel so… violated? I cannot bear the feeling when someone touches my thigh, knee or leg especially. I’m never sure how to voice my concern when it bothers me. I once told a recent acquaintance and the way she stared at me made me feel so alone… I am ok with hugs and a night even find myself sometimes longing to be held firmly by someone. Sex frightens me. Sexual touch frightens me. I feel so alone. Just writing this has left me in tears. I hate it.
Rachel said,
08 April 2016 at 4:29
I thought I was crazy. My husband says I’m just probably autistic or something. I love hugging him and caressing him, but I do not enjoy being touched by ANYONE. I used to hate when my mom or brother would hug me, and especially when people to whom I’m not related touch me. It makes me extremely self conscious and awkward. Glad I am not alone.
Bluestar said,
14 April 2016 at 11:58
i believe i have aspergers syndrome although i was never diagnosed.. Its the only way to describe my situation and everything fit so perfectly. Am 23 and the only way for a normal person to describe me is “creepy” “crazy” “extremely awkward”. I have been bullied in school, abused by my dad emotionally and physically and molested many times. I force my self to hand shake although when they firmly grab my hand i feel like… I dunno how to describe this. If its a hug i have to prepapre myself mentally and even if i did i can only do this for veery few certain people.. Which are obly two. If someone hugged me, tap my shoulder or back out of nowhere without me knowing i feel extremely violated.. I feel like someone has just assaulted me and my hurt burns with anger. I try to avoid physical contact by all means through giving negative vibes and avoiding people. I never speak with anyone even if someone spoke to me. I try to look not friendly because if i did people would want to speak hence there is a chance they will touch me. I cant stand crowded places such as malls.. The though of someone will bump into me or touch me drives me paranoid. I usually wear long sleeve shirt because i cant handle when someone brushed against my hand on accident. I have no friends.. Many left and i pushed many because they just couldnt get i dont want to be touched. I have no girlfriend and i dont even want one.. My family see me as a literally crazy person. It feels so lonely and unbearable to a point i can obly see suicide as my last option left…
Julia said,
26 July 2016 at 18:33
You should really see a listened healthcare prosessional to get diagnosed. There’s so much help you can get that will make your life easier. You don’t have to deal with these challenges alone.
Julia said,
26 July 2016 at 18:34
*liscensed
Isabella Tonti said,
28 May 2016 at 19:33
I don’t mind touching others in a friendly way as long as it’s on my own terms. For example, if my friend is crying or hurt, I will try to comfort them. Rubbing someone’s back to make them feel better feels very awkward I don’t mind. Usually it doesn’t work anyway because they get weirded out about how awkward I am as I comfort them. I don’t like it when people are right behind me or come up on me from behind. Despite being okay with touching others on my own terms, I get very overwhelmed when people touch me. I flinch away if someone attempts to touch me, high five me, shake my hand, or hug me. I react to little touches as if I were burned. If someone runs into me or does rough housing in a friendly manner I freeze in place and can’t figure out what to do, like some sort of sensory overload. I also get agitated when others don’t walk at the same pace as me or invade my personal space. Also, Evelin is a stupid crackhead who is unecissarily rude.
Ra-eesa said,
11 June 2016 at 10:51
I’m a very expressive person and speak my mind. I’m confident about my self in how i appear but hate to be touched. I feel that others think it’s weird because I seem so emotionally open. My public personality is different to my personal. The fact that I don’t like to be hugged makes me seem cold. When people want to hug me and I refuse I just say that I’m not a very affectionate person and things become a bit awkward. Some think I have no feelings when actually I tend to feel too much. I’ve come to appreciate my closest friends because they’ve accepted that I don’t like to be touched. I find relationships that are not physically demanding appealing because I feel safe and secure. I really can’t tell whether I have some problem because I tend to shudder randomly when certain things happen around me whether small or big like I can’t handle the feeling.
Cassidy said,
27 June 2016 at 8:40
I honestly don’t like being touched by other people unless I think of them as a partner. The whole “touching” thing is just too intimate for me to just imagine for anyone. I don’t like holding hands, I jump when someone taps my shoulder, I stiffen when someone gives me an “affectionate” shoulder punch, and if someone grabs my waist or touches my back or butt or thigh, it feels like I’ve been personally invaded. However, for whatever reason I am perfectly okay when I initiate the touchiness (like hugging or cuddling). This seldom happens, but it still does at times. I thought I was alone in feeling this way, but I am beyond happy to know that I’m not the only one. Thank you so much everyone, you have no idea how amazing this feels.
Maria Madrigal said,
19 July 2016 at 19:04
I have the same problem as many people that had commented. I hate the feel of skin touching me, I hate the feel of the warm of the other person when they touch me. When it happens, I get nervous ticks and I have to stroke the area trying to get rid of the feeling the person left. Also, I have to scratch the back of my ears or neck, trying also to get rid of the feeling left by the other person. I don’t know if this is related but, don’t like to touch something that another person was touching, sitting or using. If I do I can literally feel their body heat radiate from those items. Example, if I go somewhere and there are no sits available and after a while a person stands, I can’t go and sit down. I have tried, but I can feel thei body heat and I feel extremely uncomfortable. Maybe I am crazy, my mother doesn’t understand it. She thinks i am being mean, and otherthings.
Julia said,
26 July 2016 at 18:24
I relate to all of this but I’m not autistic or have aspergers. I also wasn’t abused and I’m not germanphobic. Is there something else that causes this?
Wendy said,
27 July 2016 at 5:10
I am now [only in the past 6mths] self diagnosed as being tactile defensive – having located this site. I have never been aspergers or autistic but I think if my research serves me well that every human is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I have a B.Ed. and we study Psychology in our training years to being a teacher. I am recently retired. What gets me is the punching on the arm like I’m some sort of mate to the male that feels he can do that. I told him not to do it otherwise I would have to report him. He was the Subject Master. He had to consciously desist but had told me his daughters were quite happy for him to do this. I told him that they most likely were not happy and to check with them and stop that type of behaviour. He was harmless enough and a good person. Tapping or flicking my arm or any other part of my body to get my attention or make an ‘affectionate’ contact make me a not so ‘happy camper’. I notice that others do not attract this type of attention. Why me? I’ve only just’ come out’ to my sister about it all via a mutual friend. One doesn’t wish to totally get cut off from affection by announcing it to all and sundry. I am fine with affectionate hugs, strokes and touches however. Its all a matter of degree.
Julia said,
26 July 2016 at 18:48
Eat a dick
Jasmine said,
10 August 2016 at 6:39
I get a weird tingling feeling whenever someone brushes against my skin lightly. Once my dog was licking me on the leg and I had to push her away to stop the uncomfortable feeling
Mike said,
15 September 2016 at 13:32
I don’t know but this girl would randomly touch me to get my attention every now and then. When I did it twice, she got angry and blasted me mercilessly (I mean it was just a tap or poke on the shoulder)!
Marion said,
15 October 2016 at 19:41
Hi Evelin,
Just wondering what makes you state this? In many cultures in Western Europe hugging, touching, or tapping people without their consent is considered socially inappropriate and nobody would even attempt to do so. Also, same action in Crimnal Code of Canada is labelled as a sexual harassment.
I love hugging my family and friends and highly dislike being touched, tapped, or hugged by strangers. My experience from working with unwell people is that they are ones who do this the most. Why? Because they need other people’s energy. Why we don’t like their hugs….well, because we are robbed of our energies. I know that unwanted huggers love my light and energy which is cleansed and purified on daily basis; however, I don’t like theirs. It is our right, as any other human right, to protect ourselves from any harm so instead of calling us “mental” please reflect on yourself first. There is no ” tactile sensitivity,” etc., BS proclaimed by pseudoscience called psychiatry, there is only -unwelcome hugger disorder- attributed to people who hug others without their consent.
Thank you.
Marion
Mia said,
12 July 2018 at 4:06
Agree… is called sexual harassment
Naomi said,
24 October 2016 at 21:05
whats a word for someone(me) that doesnt like to be around people for a long period of tomr
Jasmin said,
18 November 2016 at 6:15
I’m pretty sure that’s being an introvert. A lot of people are like that including me. Introverts usually as re more comfortable being alone than with others and get tired when around a lot of people over a long period of time.
parhat osman said,
14 November 2016 at 4:01
It is so weird that touching by other people can make person uncomfortable, however they should got by punish by the people around them.
Jasmin said,
18 November 2016 at 6:11
I just recently realized that over the year I have found that touch is very uncomfortable. I only let certain people touch me even though it displeased me because I don’t want to be rude. But the thought of being touched irks me and when people I don’t know or trust touch me I feel like the area they touched is slimy, and I always feel the need to woe the invisible “slime” off. But the thing is I have a deep want to be able to embrace people comfortably. But whenever I try to really hug somebody I always fell awkward and the need to get away. I’ve never been in a relationship and find it easier to embrace woman that men.
Jasmin said,
18 November 2016 at 6:30
But, the weird thing is I crave a touch from a man. I grew up with a father who was hardly there and emotionally scarred me as a young child.
Laila carter said,
19 November 2016 at 3:31
” I Hate Hate HATE! Having People Come Up To Me and say hey then touch me on my shoulder or arm. I dont know why but i feel disgusted , like i need to just crawl in a ball and start crying because that really upsets me .. I dont know why people haven’t gotten the idea that i dont want to be touched. I repeatedly have told everyone but they dont listen 😥 . I have ears So Please Lets All Use Or Mouths And Ears To Communicate.”
Mo said,
19 November 2016 at 22:40
I am a man and I don’t mind women touch me but I hate it when men touch me.I feel like they are intruding on my privacy and taking controlling over my body and feel superior to me
Linda Chipman said,
25 November 2016 at 16:04
Wow..now I get it! I never understood why my boyfriend doesn’t want to be touched, or makes me talk to h several feet away, or wants perfectly quiet. He has emotional pain and often has angry outburst for no reason. He isolated from the world except for me but still had his times when he must sleep alone. I love him very much. My nature is to hug, touch, comfort when he is upset. Now I see why he reacts this way. He tells me we are not compatible but won’t let me go. He has never told me about the on out tactile defensiveness and thinks I should just know. He must love me a lot to endure this behavior from me. He must know I mean well and always needs me because I want to comfort and soothe him, hold him and fuss over him. I never knew this caused him pain. He says sometimes I make him more anxious. My heart is broken because I never would want to hurt him..ever. Thank you for this very honest account of your experience. It may save a beautiful relationship. Now how to learn better ways to show him respect and the love I feel for him in a way he will value. I pray it is not too late. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Lily Davis said,
22 December 2016 at 0:56
Okay so I was Wondering. I hate being touched but when I get touched it burns. Not like heat. But like little needles. Then I get a headache. It starts out small but then grows and it annoys me when people decide to touch me. When my Tia touches me its fine. My sister is a big cuddler and I tell her not to touch me but she does anyway. Its weird when I get touched. It physically and mentally hurts. Can anyone tell me why?
Nixon said,
01 January 2017 at 7:23
I kept insisting to my family that I wasn’t insane. I usually dislike all physical contact, though my boyfriend is an exception. Any other time, I flinch away terribly, much to which has gotten me yelled at by my mother who says that she’s allowed to touch me because she is my mother. She seems to use that excuse every time I feel uncomfortable.
I suppose its alright with my friends because I am able to hold myself back, but they understand that I don’t quite like physical-ness very much.
One of said friends has been trying to let me know about my condition (as if I didn’t already know that there was something going on in myself), but she insists that my isolation at a young age was a huge factor, to which I agree.
As a young child, my parents kept me away from other people and my mother feared that I’d be molested, so she wouldn’t let people touch me. I assumed it was alright for people to not touch each other and go about their business, but as life went on, I began to find that people became more grabby and stubborn. I constantly tell people not to touch me and that I feel greatly uncomfortable when contact is made, but they go straight to touching my shoulder or arm and say, “Are you uncomfortable now?” or, “Stop being a narcissist.” (I do not understand why someone would assume I’m a narcissist for not liking it when they touch me in any form.)
I usually, when things like this do happen, end up flinching away or hitting their hand. I do not think this is an acceptable way of coping with myself, but I honestly have no other way to react. I find that my expression immediately drops and I turn disgusted and I get this feeling to vigorously wash or even tear off (in most cases) the area that someone has touched. I’m not too sure if that’s still considered tactile sensitivity or not, but I feel as though its something more. I just feel dirty with unwanted touches and I can’t breath half the time it happens. I’m not too sure what’s going on with myself, but it’s nice to be assured that I’m not what many claim I am.
Bri said,
02 January 2017 at 7:15
I feel the exact same way but only when under emotional stress, like don’t touch or try and hug me it makes me feel repulsed and want to jump out of my skin and I can’t sort out why I’m upset. Never been diagnosed but I’ve had my suspicions my parents were also this way but not nearly to my degree. I also don’t like it when I’m trying to concentrate on something. I have terrible anxiety.
No said,
17 January 2017 at 18:35
This is stupid and pointless. If I wanted to read comments I’d go to YouTube or something. What’s the point? This isn’t advice. Nor a story with a moral besides “don’t touch people who say no” which everyone who’s decent won’t. So like what is this even and why is it like the first result on google when I search ” how to get over sexual fears”
First
Result
What
ThoughtfullyConfused said,
20 January 2017 at 6:42
It’s not that I don’t like being touched it’s that I can feel it before it actually happens. Like my friend went to poke my back to get my attention. I was already shifting away before I even fully realized that they were trying to touch me. It felt like pinpricks on my back when their finger was an inch or so away. Why? am I overly sensitive or something?
Tyler Gray said,
22 January 2017 at 22:51
Is there a reason why I like touching people but hate it when they try to touch me?
Anastasia said,
23 January 2017 at 6:20
I was abused when u was i was 13 after i hated being touched it started to hurt me hurt me i didnt understand it but im grate full to find im not alone whem ever my own mother tries to hug me i want to cry an back away my dad would pull my close am hug me really tight sn hold me an i would push an push an get really irrated an i would want to rip out my own skin i cant evan be touched lighly by my mom it hurts but sometimes i can its so hard😞
James said,
26 January 2017 at 7:21
Certain sensations and contacts drive me crazy. For example being kissed on the head instantly makes me feel like destroying something, ruins my mood, makes me need to take a shower and the burning sensation lasts for hours. I can handle other types of touch just fine. I love full body massages even by professionals i just met. It really depends on the type of touch and where and if I’m expecting it.
Katie Bisio said,
03 February 2017 at 2:35
I’m adopted so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but I feel repulsed and disgusted when my (adoptive) parents touch me. Like when one of them wakes me up in the morning, they touch my arm and my face and my leg and it just makes me so angry and gross. I’ve showed my anger before but they just don’ t take me seriously. More recently, I’ve been sick and my mom was trying to wake me up tonight for dinner and I was half awake but I didn’t want to get up so I tried to pretend I was sleeping so she’d leave, but decided to KEEP trying to wake me up and she was touching my arm and stroking it and doing something weird with her fingers and she was touching my face and was caressing it as well, and she even touched my exposed stomach, and it was DISGUSTING. I’m really super angry right now and disgusted, when my parents touch me I feel disgusting and get angry. Sometimes when they try to wake me up they TOUCH MY BUTT AND I WANT TO KICK THEM. One night I had a horrible nightmare where someone was molesting me and woke up to my mom sitting on my bed trying to wake me up touching my arm and stomach and legs and face. I’m not scared of them or anything. It’s just that their touch is repulsive. And now I feel better after writing it all out.
Martin said,
04 December 2017 at 9:59
Your mom must like your pretty stomach. Its definitely sexual behaviour.
Oshiozuwe said,
11 February 2017 at 12:20
I hate being touched, especially when it is unexpected. I love to touch people but the thought of someone touching me is so irritable. I feel the touch for hours and I have to rub my hand over the place they touched to get rid of the feeling.
Ciel Phantomhive said,
11 March 2017 at 9:19
I don’t know why people like to hug me, but they do. Apparently, I look like a very huggable person. People will just come out of nowhere and hug me, and it feels like they are trying to tie me down and drown me. If someone touches me, I flinch or back away quickly. It is just my natural reflex. Today, my friend was going to put her arm around me, and I ducked before she could. People think I am a freak because of this, but it is just who I am. Can’t they just hug someone else for a change?
Steve Eby said,
11 March 2017 at 20:15
I really do not like to be touched by anyone. If someone touches me, it almost feels like being frozen in place. I believe it is more of anexity issue for me. I understand that co-workers are just showing support towards me and my work. I know with girlfriends they are showing more of emotional support or just showing that they care for me.
Ron said,
23 March 2017 at 14:49
I completely understand ever since the navy I can’t stand to b touched or in close quarters wit ppl I’m not sexually involved wit even my moms when she hugs me it doesn’t feel normal I jus feel like my personal bubble should b respected at all times dnt touch me dnt get to close jus dnt
Joy said,
04 April 2017 at 21:17
I am a 34 yr old woman. I was 7 when I got my first haircut. I was such a tomboy! I’d get hung up in the trees and such so I BEGGED my mom to cut it. It was almost down to the back of my knees. She literally cut it to my shoulders, put a bowl on my head and chopped some bangs. From that point on my hair turned into a big poof of unmanageable wad of hair! My older sisters tried different things to try to help tame it but NOTHING worked. At 13 I gave up and started growing it out. Once I got it down to the middle of my back (took 2-3yrs) I , MYSELF would cut about 4 to 6 in. off about every 6mo. months or so. But for at least the last 10 yrs I get SO freaked out when other ppl, especially strangers! touch my hair! It has nothing to do with the yrs of others screwing it up. Its just MY HAIR! One night I had taken a bath and washed my hair but I had to run to the store before it closed. Ps. I ALWAYS HAVE IT IN A BUN ! But this time I just had enough time to brush it and go. I’m not mean or aggressive at all but as I was standing in line to check out the FREEEEEEAK behind me (I didn’t even know he was there) reached out and just took two hands full of my hair and tried to say something like “oh its so pretty” or whatever. Without a second thought I slapped the F*** outa him! I felt instantly nauseated. The clerk kicked him out of the store. It was like being assaulted. This has happened on more than one occasion. Wth is wrong with me? I Do NOT have asperger’s . Its gotta be a phobia. But its only someone else touching MY hair that sends me into a defensive panic. What’s the name for that?
Amberly said,
16 April 2017 at 21:01
I have times in my life were it is literally unbearable to allow another person to touch me . I cringe away from your touch so my skin starting to crawl at the invasion Of their skin touching mine. I feel completely hopeless and distraught in those few seconds of misery that for me feels like an Eternity for every sec that goes by. I’m not always like this but it seems that certain people places things trigger me. I have tried to force myself to endorse it thinking it will make it go away if you just take it. That hasn’t worked for me . Idk if anyone else has felt this way and found a way to work though it? Any advise will be appreciated
moo moo said,
21 April 2017 at 11:49
I am having a hard time figuring something out, (this works on everyone I’ve done it to) every time someone get’s mad at me, I usually can’t fist fight them because one- I’m not a fighter,and 2- I don’t want that self image. so instead I slightly tilt my head in anyway I can without it being noticeable, then I make direct eye contact, then I put my left hand on their right shoulder (when I do this I am directly in front of them) then I use what you would think was a soothing voice to talk to them, it makes them so mad they can’t stand to pick on me again because they know I will do it again.
Clara Bloom said,
23 April 2017 at 23:35
I have tactile sensivity too. I have been known to gasp LOUDLY, though not on purpose if soneone touches me from behind. Just an automatic response on my part.
Karissa said,
10 May 2017 at 14:42
How interesting. I loved a man very very much. My fiance died in a car accident. I developed this. There was serious emotional and mental trauma. He and I were close like soul mates. We couldnt be close enough or with each other enough hours in a day. Once he was gone, I cringed to be touched. I think in time, having 2 kids I became more used to it. My kids and partner could touch my arm. A year and a half ago my 2nd son was born stillborn. I broke it off with his father. The loss of my child and his father has put me back at sq. 1. I hate to be touched. It makes me want to vomit. I don’t like light touch on my bare arms. Firm touches aren’t so bad. Those light touches make me want to turn inside out. My 12 yr old daughter thinKS it’s hilarious. It’s so not. It’s revolting. I wonder if there is any correlation to ptsd and this tactile sensitivity.
ESI said,
12 May 2017 at 4:31
I love my family. My children try to hug me or play with me it hurts so bad. My mother and father try to hug or hold my hand it hurts… I want to vomit, tear my skin off, my head hurts like a massive migraine. I have to close my self in my room. My husband’s touch is normally ok. He handles a lot. What does this mean and how do I fix it?
Genesis said,
12 May 2017 at 12:33
I hate when someone touches me or touches my skin if bothers me so much my mom said I’ve been that way since I was a baby, I don’t know it’s just when someone touches me I back away really fast and say “please don’t touch me” but I can touch other people
5 Golf Course Etiquette Rules You Don’t Want to Break – Par24 said,
07 August 2017 at 14:00
[…] it’s tactile sensitivity or claustrophobia, the people you’re golfing with may not like having you breathe […]
Imaan Brown said,
07 August 2017 at 21:45
I’m okay with people I know touching me, mostly. Sometimes it depends on my mood. If a stranger touches me or if I’m not in the mood to be touched, it kinda feels like there’s bugs crawling all over me and my jaw starts to tingle like I’m gonna throw up. And I get really annoyed if I someone comes too close to me i don’t know how close “too close” is, it depends on the situation.
ECH said,
11 August 2017 at 0:09
I have the opposite mainly: I HATE touching people. Their skin is so gross. Started when I was a kid, relative was like “scratch my back”. EEEW gross, nauseated! Then I had a job where I was supposed to wash an old person. YUCK!! Could NOT do it. Hugs are ok if the person is NOT wearing cashmere (YUCK! allergic!!!!!) but don’t try to shake my hand cos I refuse and don’t care about your feelings, only MINE matter cos I’m not you, I have to live with me and I CAN’T STAND IT, BACK OFF!
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HT said,
21 September 2017 at 19:25
I recently became involved with a woman and haven’t been able to understand how someone could become so upset over a touch….now I am beginning to understand what others go through and feel so sorry. We can touch, hug, cuddle, and have sex…..on her terms only. The other night we cuddled and had sex, then an hour later I reached for her and she jumped out of bed upset from my touch …..which hurt me just as much emotionally as my touch did her.
I can totally see now that this is never going to work : (
azure said,
13 December 2017 at 9:46
That’s disappointing. She’s trying hard too, you know. Think of people with ptsd from iraq and so on. Do you think it would be okay to reach for them randomly, especially if their backs were turned?
Now, is it really that different from what happened? I mean, many people have families and live through things like this, but you just need to get to know her and get to her trust level as she gets to your’s.
Your words sadden me for other reasons. Getting upset over touching or not. Are you saying you only liked her for her body?
Morgan said,
30 September 2017 at 17:37
Whenever people touch me when i do not initiate it or am not prepared for it, i can go into really extreme semi violent/suicidal episodes. Can take me hours to get out of them. During them i try to claw or squeeze the skin off where they touched me. Worst areas are my armpits, neck, breasts, and face. It makes having a relationship very difficult, especially since he is normally a very affectionate person.
Megan said,
12 October 2017 at 3:25
I often find myself hating being touched by people unexpectedly like when I’m in assembly at school my friend often lightly graze me on multiple occasions and I honestly sends me into a panic because I hate it and I know it’s not intentional but I honestly makes my exposed skin feel like it’s on fire and I it feels as if their still touching me even after they’ve moved away but the worst is when I have to talk in the halls between classes I either have to choice of obeying touched by a million and one people or be late to class and receive a detention. When on the other hand I’m okay with touch if I know it’s going to happen or if I initiate the touch.
Tactile sensitivity – kathleenmaryparker said,
03 November 2017 at 7:16
[…] Source: Tactile sensitivity […]
Jessica Matkin said,
21 November 2017 at 20:19
I hate to be touched. It feels violating and i feel threatened (as in life or death) most times i can tolerate touch from my spouse, but other times just the thought makes me cringe… it definitely has to be on my terms. I have 4 children and the thought of kisses, hugs, or cuddles literally cause me to gag. I feel horrible, because i know touch and affection are a large part of healthy relationships. My mother was the same way and nerver hugged or held me as a child and I also experienced sexual and emotional trama as a child and teen. I had a lady try to lead me through a large crowd by holding me by the elbow and pushing me forward, i pulled away 3 times only to have her grab me again. Finally I threw my hands in the air and aggressively responded “could you please take you hands off me and stop touching me?” I felt bad, but she got the point and it was better than slinging her to the ground which was my first thought.
Isabella said,
27 November 2017 at 7:11
Whenever I am feeling sad or I’m crying the people comforting me always feel the need for me to sit near them or to hug me( I even do this with my family who I am close with but even with them I have to be the one to inniciate the contact) . I don’t like to be touched period let alone when I’m vulnerable. I’ve always had a thing about my personal space and it bothers me that a lot of people don’t get that I don’t want them to approach me that way.
azure said,
13 December 2017 at 9:40
I am okay with starting a hug (though I often grit through it), or when it comes to work because it’s like I am a different person. That’s literally the only way I would be able to handle it since my job is hands-on.
As for touching, I can’t stand it. There are maybe two people in this world that I don’t mind contact in any form even if I don’t initiate.
I feel uncomfortable or queasy disgust from a lot of people who hug or touch or even try to. Though, many of them are also doing it in a bad way. People are untrustworthy and disgusting most of the time, not able to treat others with respect.
Sometimes I can’t stand even touching myself, especially after being touched without permission in a manner that is too close, like touching my waist.
I also wear baggy clothes usually, because guys and girls look at me and whistle or comment otherwise- I usually have a tank under my uniform and take it off if it gets full of stuff before I get in my car. It makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.
Cassie Ross said,
19 December 2017 at 0:02
Hey wh my name is cassie, what do you call it when you dont like your other people to touch or for example wash your clothes because you feel some tyoe of way about it?
Lola Carter said,
19 December 2017 at 20:04
Its not that I dont like being touched. Just when people touch my head, shoulder or my arms, I feel nauseas. I feel like throwing up and I dont know why.
Thomas Chavez said,
28 December 2017 at 3:56
First I am a 41 YO make. I have always been really affectionate and a touchy person. However, as of lately I donot what to be touched by anyone. I won’t dump my laundry here, but I was hoping that I could be able to accept being touched again. Any suggestions?
Chayce Robinson said,
03 January 2018 at 22:35
For some reason the feeling of my own hands make me want to throw up and I have no idea why, I hope I can be figure out why I am so overwhelmed by the feeling of my own hands. Any ideas what to do?
Sydney said,
13 March 2018 at 21:56
When people touch me, it’s like I physically hurt, and feel disgusted by it, unless I touch them first or am in the mood, I only let my boyfriend touch me first while knowing it, because it feels the complete opposite with him, it feels nice, but with anyone else, even with my parents or close family it feels nasty
Kimberly Denham said,
29 April 2018 at 22:51
I’m a 52 year old woman. My father had a fun time holding me down when I was very young. He was never sexually abusive but did enjoy a kind of meanness it’s very hard to explain. I have always been standoffish when it comes to hugging people, cuddling, holding hands, being touched in general. I have found that I am not interested in crowds, especially if there will be intoxicated people who want to hug me. I have been tolerant over the years but of course my lack of affection has been the culprit of three divorces and countless possible relationships. The interesting part is that I no longer care, as if I simply no longer have a lonely gene or something. The couple friends I have are family and they respect and understand my situation. I’m in a relationship now that I realize will not last much longer due to his needs simply not being met and his lack of understanding of how I show affection. Here is the real kicker, I have horses and dogs and can communicate with them perfectly. So to anyone else living with this issue try your hand with animals it’s truly fulfilling and does indeed help the relationship losses on the human level.
Teresa said,
04 June 2018 at 4:55
I, too, do not like to be touched, but it depends on the situation. If somebody taps my shoulder to get my attention, I don’t have a problem with it, but if they grab my wrist or brush against me, I tense up. A lot of the time, I’m with my friends, so when I say to not touch me, they end up touching me just for the fun of it, not knowing that it is uncomfortable for me. I have found that my back is the most sensitive; if somebody touches my back I always wince and can even freeze for a couple seconds. It really frustrates me because I know this will hinder my relationships in the future, and because I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable. I’m glad to come across a site that has people like me who are struggling with this kind of thing as well.
Li, from USA said,
22 June 2018 at 6:33
I rarely enjoy physical contact. My dad hugs me all the time and I hate it and he knows it. He constantly asks me if there is something wrong with me, like it’s a huge issue. I like hugs from my friends but I’m usually the one doing the hugging first. I enjoy holding hands with whoever I am dating, but I dont like it when my little brother holds my hand in public. I dont like shaking hands but I do it because I dont want to be rude. Physical contact with adult males makes me most uncomfortable. I’m always anxious around men I dont know well.
Juliana said,
07 July 2018 at 16:08
I’m reading this article today because I woke up to this weird feeling of being unable to stand the touch of others. While I have rarely ever liked having others touch me I have never had this feeling as bad as I do today. Today it can’t even stand initiating touch and any touch feels repulsive enough to make me want to throw up. It has me uncomfortable since I have never had a reaction this bad before and don’t see any reason to trigger this response. I am reassured a little by reading this article but I do hope I can get back to a normal level. It’s really hard to explain to my two year old nephew why his favorite aunt can’t stand touch right now.
Grace said,
12 July 2018 at 13:16
I dont like being touched, like when you in a crowded places or public transport and someone sit very close to me, it annoys me. Same as those strokes on shoulders or being touched on the necks, it makes my body to cringe. Sometimes even when someone gives me a hug, i will just freeze there not knowing what to do. And all along I have been thinking that um a weirdo
Emma Regan said,
23 July 2018 at 0:48
Okay so I’m 11 and when I’m touched somewhere on my body I need to touch myself the exact same amount on the exact opposite side I don’t know exactly what it is but I was hoping someone could relate or have an idea of what it is?
Morrigan said,
23 July 2020 at 8:04
OCD??? OCD can make people do “weird” things like that so try talking to someone about it
Marion Quincheau said,
23 July 2020 at 17:39
Hello Morrigan,
That is interesting! My first thought was that you are extremely sensitive to other people’s touch (energy input) and you are, through touching yourself on the exact opposite side, practically taking that energy out and discarding it or balancing it. Please, don’t try to put labels on yourself; our bodies operate in the most wonderful and advanced ways and nowadays science is not even close to explain that. I would suggest to try to seek answers deep in your heart and to listen to your intuition.
All the best, young man!
Marion
Natalia said,
02 August 2018 at 19:50
I have social anxiety and so being touched is definitely a no go for me, and only recently I have noticed I don’t touch my friends or family unless I greet them with a hug, otherwise I tend to avoid being touched unless they’re close friends or family to me.
I work in retail and once in a while you have this sweet old lady, who doesn’t know boundaries, and you’re trying to be polite as anything with this fake smile and fake customer service voice, while trying to not seem obvious in recoiling from her touch because apparently touching a hand or shoulder of someone while talking to them is needed?? Yes you’re lovely, but please don’t touch me
Miranda said,
15 September 2018 at 8:43
As a child, I was very outgoing. But once I reached about 10, I just shut off. I disliked my dad or friends hugging me. Stangers giving me handshakes. I think I only made it worse by forcing myself, too. I think the worst thing is when someone touches my neck, though. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks because of that. Sexually, I’m good, because I’m in the mindset, but otherwise, why is physical contact necessary? I hate it that people think I’m a freak because of it..
Cindy said,
30 May 2019 at 0:10
For the first time ever, I am hearing from others what I want to scream to others around me. I feel so relieved. I keep trying to figure out why this has such a horrible and debilitating effect on me. It throws me into a totally different world and I start feeling angry, confused, overwhelmed and actually physically I’ll sometimes. I kept chalking it all up to PTSD, but it happens even when I’m not scared or startled like when someone keeps putting their hands one while we are talking, also people that just have to be right up your ass (it seems) while having a conversation. So glad it’s not just me and the way you all describe it is exactly how I feel.
Constance Dorion said,
09 June 2019 at 17:12
I have always disliked being touched, but it seemed normal for me so I never questioned it. Until I started questioning myself on it last year and I had a mental breakdown because I kept focusing on it so much, I literally could not touch anyone or have anyone touch me. Even my mom, and my grandpa, who are the closest people to me. I had to work extremely hard with a psychologist to gain a certain kind of control on this. She told me I had a hypersensitivity to touch, which made me cringe out or profoundly dislike any touch, even from people very close. Now, I can touch people and have them touch me only if I can see them approach me and prepare myself mentally for their touch. I tolerate it, in other words. It makes me scared if I’ll ever be able to enjoy touch with a lover or my future kids, etc.
Hannah said,
20 November 2020 at 5:29
Constance, I had a similar issue and concern. I found that though as a cold I loved snuggling with my mom once I started hitting 8 or 9 ish physical touch became nearly unbearable from most. I had boyfriends before that I wasn’t ok with much touch, when I finally met my husband I had gotten to the point of ok with physical touch if I saw it coming or I had pre approved it (i.e. my niece and nephews, worked really hard to include my mom, and my siblings). Watching how respectful my husband (then boyfriend) was about not touching me made me actually want to touch him. I realized that I could trust him. For me that was key to overcoming my romantic touch issues, I’m able to snuggle him all the time now. I cannot speak for to the kids thing though because I have chosen not to have them. Keep working, there is hope.
Constance said,
09 June 2019 at 17:13
I have always disliked being touched, but it seemed normal for me so I never questioned it. Until I started questioning myself on it last year and I had a mental breakdown because I kept focusing on it so much, I literally could not touch anyone or have anyone touch me. Even my mom, and my grandpa, who are the closest people to me. I had to work extremely hard with a psychologist to gain a certain kind of control on this. She told me I had a hypersensitivity to touch, which made me cringe out or profoundly dislike any touch, even from people very close. Now, I can touch people and have them touch me only if I can see them approach me and prepare myself mentally for their touch. I tolerate it, in other words. It makes me scared if I’ll ever be able to enjoy touch with a lover or my future kids, etc.
Ashim Parajuli said,
24 October 2019 at 21:33
I get very very annoyed when someone or something external is touching me and i have to keep at least a tiny bit of gap between things
Morrigan said,
23 July 2020 at 8:01
This made me feel so much better about not being touchy with others 😄
Austin said,
13 November 2020 at 7:53
I’ve been looking online for awhile to find this.
my level of disgust at being touched has diminished over the last few years but it still feels gross; like a warm greasy spot is writhing beneath my skin where i was touched, or a kind of uncomfortable pressure. it’s way more tolerable with close friends and family and completely disappears with a person i have romantic interest in. i hate that people feel the need to test it after being told or somehow feel that they’re an exception.
Ashlee said,
16 November 2020 at 2:50
I am so happy to have found this! My whole life I have disliked being touched and I am not a hugger at all.
I do although love snuggling with my children. But only them. Sometimes my husband.
The one thing that drives me absolutely batty is that my husband is extra touchy. He literally touches me non stop. When he walks by. He will call me up to the room then make me lay with him and it makes my whole body cringe. He is starting to feel like I do not love him, but really I think after 8 years I am finally able to say “please stop I don’t like that”, not that he listens. He also is obsessed with grabbing my boobs and butt and that annoys the hell out of me.
I’m starting to feel really bad because I know he just loves me. He sees me cuddling with the kids and even the animals all the time.
Has anyone had a similar situation?
If so, how did you deal with it?
Hannah said,
20 November 2020 at 5:18
Reading this makes me feel much more sane. I do not like to be touched unless by a pre-approved individual. Drs appts where I know they will have to examine me make me anxious and if I haven’t known the Dr for some time, then it hurts to be touched. I also have had many touchy feely people touch me , brush my arm, place a hand on my shoulder or try to hug me, when I say I prefer not as I am not comfortable with physical contact at this time, they look at me with what appears to be a mix of pity and thinking I’m a freak. Usually people respect this wish and give me distance. Recently I have had a supervisor who constantly touches people, myself included, and when I attempted to politely say I do not like to be touched and pulled away he just didn’t get it… I can still feel his 4 consecutive touches from Tuesday like fire ants on my skin. For the first time in 20yrs of working I had to go to HR for help because my supervisor was not listening. I’m sorry but I feel like this is a fairly well enough known boundary that people have, these sorts of conversations should not need to happen. It should be understood that we keep our hands to ourselves unless necessary (i.e. emergency situations).
Thanks for sharing.
Lina said,
23 November 2020 at 18:11
I get really angry when touched, especially by family. I don’t know why but it’s how it is. I feel so dirty sometimes when touched that I have to change my top for example if it was touched (If I’m able to in that situation). Every time I tell them I don’t like being touched I’ll get a weird look; especially when I have to greet other family. I’ll even start to have mild tics sometimes depending on how hard and close contact the touch is. I feel like a complete freak 😒
Lina said,
23 November 2020 at 18:18
I get really angry when touched: I don’t know why but it’s how it is. I feel so dirty sometimes when touched that I have to change my top for example if it was touched (If I’m able to in that situation). Every time I tell them I don’t like being touched I’ll get a weird look; especially when I have to greet other family. I’ll even start to have mild tics sometimes depending on how hard and close contact the touch is. I feel like a complete freak. Something deep in me feels the need to scream but I can only show my rage to close family otherwise I’d be known as a complete nut case. It feels so nice to know that people also have this and that I’m not alone. Feel less like a weirdo or freak. I just know I’m going to have to live with this and it’s gonna push people away but if anything I prefer that. I sometimes get a feeling of disgust and upset when my own skin is in direct contact of another part of me for example my foot touching my other foot, this is not as extreme as being touched by others but the disgust is still there. Most of the time I try not to pay attention to it but sometimes my brain is screaming for me to stop the touch even if it’s just a price of cloth between the skin.
Legalized Humanitarians said,
16 January 2021 at 12:03
I don’t liked to be touched period by family or strangers without permission. Also I feel as though people should touch others without permission. Yet a few are granted the privilege a girlfriend or wife lovingly of course no others . Its an unjust jesture and should be considered unlawful. The pats on the back and touches on the shoulder outside of athletic coaching is a bit extreme also….